i'm making sexy go away

dammit it's goddamn f-ing wednesday ALREADY??? How is time flying even for time flying already as badly as it already was? Yeah okay i know by now, i have complaining about "the increasingly speedy passage of time" rating as one of my most-complained about things in this blog here (and mind you, I seem to discover many things fit to complain about herein), but even now it's still striking me. Sigh, I guess this is what happens when you get older.. even though there's things in life which lead me to believe it should certainly be draggier.

So I should point out, it will surprise no one that I am one of the shittier typers in this world.. I have speed under control, but I never really got used to looking at the screen as I type as opposed to the keyboard. Every now and again (such as right now) i will try and make a conscious effort, but all these years I've slipped into the nasty habit rather regularly. It led to more than the occasional typo, but since acquiring this new keyboard last xmas I have seen my "skill" plummet, even for me. So here's to trying to rectify the thing once more. Sadly, a request is in order.. if anyone can recommend a decent "typing tutor" app that I can download (preferably FREE) then please shoot it my way. I should have bought the Dreamcast Zombie Typing game, too late now... damn... (well, there's always ebay... sigh)

tired of being pent-up here, what ele is new. I was supposed to work today, but i ended up sleeping much of the day away (no surprise-- exhausted!) and the rest of the day i just kinda waaaaassted. The clock is a-ticking and I haven't much time to dawdle, so i will get right back to it.. after i finish up.. this blog!! yes siree.. um.. sure.. Well, i haven't got a choice really, so screw it..

i sent out an art test yesterday (same one to two places), no word yet since the day it's been out.. stupid webstats counter-thing hasn't told me if they even got downloaded yet, but i imagine they're not quite chomping at the bit to tear through my work. I am happy with what I turned out, either way.. happy enough. Ready to start being done with art tests, hahaha...

I bought a bunch of water today (how's that for a topic?) Seriously, as i mentioned before, I have been subsisting off of coca-cola recently, and my eating habits have not been much better. It disgusts me to go into the kitchen and see all the empties sitting there staring at me, in my usual practice I try not to down that stuff quite so fervently. So I am going to just try and wean off of it in the next couple of days and start replacing the sugar in my system with regualar ol' h-twenty. 'Cause right now I am craving soda and could be drinking it 24/7, easy..

I have a lot of things on my mind, about my life lately, and I really want to get some of this shit offa my chest.. My inclination is to do that here, but I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable with airing all of my thoughts publicly where anyone could read them. "But Ron you always say you never care what anybody else thinks about you," well that is mostly true, I guess we all have our limits. I guess sometimes it's better to keep things to yourself though, but yeah.. when some shit is eating at you, and you haven't a good outlet for that, it can sort of gnaw at you a little. Well, that is how life goes for everyone, eh? I guess I've made no pretenses about the fact that there's plenty of stuff in this forum that I say/don't say, so not much has changed. At least pissing about it this much helps me feel a little bit better, anyway. At any rate, I scanned a couple of other semi-random people's blogs, they remind me of mine in some way - the shit they say in there is a little more, uh, self-absorbed/self-important/fucking dramatic than mine if you can actually believe that (!), in a way i envied their candor, in another i just thought they should get over themselves a little. What's up Kettle, this is Pot - you are pretty black, you know what I am sayin' right?

Rainy today, rainy and cold out. Not really unusual for January in LA. Thinking of moving still, my enthusiasm sways on that issue as the weeks change. Agan, not sweating it terribly (it's still kind of receding more to "longshot status," I feel) but yeah, change is a bitch no matter how you slice it. I just keep looking around my apartment and think how easily things could be different if some (not too complex) things in my life could change, through my own doing or from some external affect - and I could actually be pretty damned happy, or so I like to think. It's like playing darts, when you have that visual cue that you keep almost hitting near that bullseye - you can literally see how closely you've been inching towards it, but that brightly-colored little circle is still measureably far from where you're hitting each time you throw. I do feel like that about a lot of things in my life, and it pisses me off in some ways (just get over it and be grateful for what you have) but then that's not me, I can't be complacent, not when I've got wind of so much further I could go. If I was ten years younger, I'd probably be a little more forgiving of myself.. I'm 32 nearly, not a kid anymore, and that makes me feel as if I've got a ton of catching up to do in a lot of areas.

Strangely, that seems to be my "happiness," right there..