Thursday, June 28, 2007


alright let me see if i can make it through one blog entry without cussin all over the place.

so i got possessed by the devil and went out to the bar last night. well i went out saturday and last night (tues night) and both nights were full of debaucherous merriment, of which i remember very little. but it is okay, i haven't been partying at all lately, so i guess it is not the end of the world if i make a smear on the scene here and there once in awhile. that will do for now, though.

i do miss the days of yore though. and i do have to knock off the jagermeister.. it works wonders but it also nukes my brain cells. i can't imagine what happens to alcoholics' brains, just being permanently zapped out of your skull like that all the time. seriously, in these periods where i don't get down very much, it strikes me more dramatically (and makes me grateful that i have the ability to just say no rather than relentlessly throw down, as they say)

or so i have led myself to believe..

work is going alright. it's still kicking me in the ass. it's a LOT of work! I was thinking this job was gonna be cushey, man i was wrong! so much stuff to learn.. this is how it goes my friends, get yourself into a different culture and there's tons of different rules and regulations to follow. and so that's life, adapt or die!

traffic bit this morning, driving a little hungover is bad enough but adding insult to injury is even more betterer. people always ask me how much i hate my drive, it's a haul but i am not turned off by it (could be much worse!) It's nice to have that time to myself and honestly, i do enjoy driving! even after all these years.. it sort of stimulates the same part of my brain that enjoys playing tetris or something. that's not to say that i don't like being a PASSENGER at times as well. hell i would be immensely happier if i was carpooling to work, in some ways. when that has been an option in the past, it has helped things quite a bit!

watched the sopranos tonight - 3 episodes to go (they're downloading now). I am sad it's over but, well, whatever. i enjoyed watching the show, but really, the end of the show - even if it is still good - it's kind of a drag. Especially in a show like this, when the show is officially ending, they start pulling some stunts "since it's ending anyway" that breaks from the normal continuity and sort of ruins the whole "suspension of disbelief" aspect. So, yeah, like i said.. whatever. And then i will have NOTHING to watch anymore (oh boo hoo). I need to get back to reading anyway. but i will say, it is kinda nice to have something to briefly escape into and care about which DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL, IN THE SLIGHTEST. Ha ha.

End of June, yikes! July is... like.. a few days away! That's halfway through 2007! I almost said 2006. 2006 sounds too futurey enough as it is. 2007 might as well be 2014 or 2023. I wonder what i will be doing then, when i am 39 or 48. Argh. HolyCRAP. You know I talked to my Dad the other night on the phone and he mentioned about how he is closing in on 60. SIXTY! My Dad is almost sixty... yeah, and I am sure he is enjoying reading this. Ah well, at least he made it to sixty without either of his kids killing anybody or something like that, I suppose that has to account for something. Or had illegitimate children or whatever. Yeah, you made out, Dad!!

I wonder if my next 30 years will be anywhere near as hectic as the past 30. Sure the world will evolve in new and strange ways, a lot has happened since i started paying more attention to things. I have no doubt that some cataclysmic weirdness of biblical proportions is in store. Well, hopefully nothing too earth-shattering (hoping my audience is relishing my metaphors) Honestly though, it is strange to think that my coming years are just gonna be spent stuck in the current mode.. until i DIE really. As opposed to the first half, growing up and going through adolescence and generally forming my personality and stuff - turning into an actual person - schooling, figuring out just what it is i'd do with my life - well from here on out it is all just about working. Work, work, work. Isn't that pathetic? Work, make money, spend money, save money. Scrape scrape scrape. A trip here, an indulgence there.. but pretty much locked into this stuff for the long haul. Year in ad out of the same thing! Learn new stuff to add to my skillset, meet new similar people, apply all of that, keep making products. And all the while just getting progressively older and fartier and smellier and more overweight. ... BAH!!! Is that it? Is that all? Buy some crap, maybe go through a few cars. Now you know why i like to go out and act crazy and get out of myself and out of my head and stuff once in awhile. i can't bare to think of all these coming years of just being force-fed a stead diet of crappier movies and crappier television programs and stuff.

this is sort of the philosophical argument i had in my life not too many months ago "what kind of life do i want to have? what kind of person do i want to be?" I opted for the more stable, comfortable route rather than the less assured, more random kind of life. i made my bed and here i lie. the thing that's great about it all is, i can really ditch it all at any time and just go wherever and start over and do it all differently. . hope that it will somehow color me differently and cause me to experience life in a more profound way than i'd detailed in that previous paragraph.

but damn it - i am an american. this is my pedigree, this is what i have born into, this is what i have always expected and how my world has outlined life for a guy like me. it's what i am supposed to want, to do - that's just evolution. but then, alongside order there's always been chaos. that's why people flip out sometimes, maybe - that's why our world has so much seemingly random bizarre going-on sometimes i guess (even though it can be extremely dreary at times). That's the part of myself i will always grasp onto, even if i can never completely satisfy it - my urge to just be wild and unbound, whatever you want to call it! maybe it will make me nuts, maybe it already has..

or i will just keep working, jumping from job to job, eventually slipping into the place that fits the closest.. find my weird nights out at the occasional random places to satisfy
my urge for breaking the pattern now and again. yeah, so i guess i need to travel. Someday.

it's interesting to watch some of my friends going through some of this stuff as well. perhaps they don't verbalize it the same way i do, but just the age that we are, and what we do with our lives -- the stuff we have been through, none of it particularly special (but special enough to draw us together) Anyway I guess it makes it a little easier to deal with, if nothing else!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

this blog is titled, "ron complains about his life for a change"

hello and welcome to Happy Magic Blog Afterdinner Time. My name is Ron and I am goign to share this special time with you right now and tell you about some things in my life which are fun to whine about. So please pull up a McShake and some french fries, smother them with ketchup (the McShake too), take off your shoes and buckle in for some good bloggity goodness.

Well it is thursday night and i am here at my office in santa ana. it is the end of a long day, following a long week and beofre that a long month/few months. Okay I guess the length of things is well established at this point. I have been sitting around all day long making little rooftop elements and doodads, it's been great fun. Actually I do enjoy doing that stuff, I suppose maybe that means there's something a little wrong with me or I have been steadily unearthing the autistic layers of my brain, or something, but there you have it.

Work is going alright. I don't really wanna talk about it right now, it's been sort of frustrating. I spend too much time here and I am at a point where I am both very thankful to be working at a place like this and at the same time getting really tired of the videogame industry. I think I need some more positive reinforcement beyond just seeing my wallet get slightly fatter every so often (which is usually immediately depleted as I chip away at my debt).. I need some pat on the back or something, I dunno. I think I am pretty good at what I do, but I work in an industry that favors superficiality over, uh, tremendously bizarre aesthetic.. or something.. anyway the point is it's business for $$$ over personal gratification (well, for us grunts anyway) no matter where you are or who you are working for I suppose. Anyway I tend to flip flop on my feeling on the whole general shebang so I won't linger on bitching about it at length ('s true, I swear!) I guess no matter what I did for a living, I'd take issue with the politics of it, that's the kind of guy I am. I am still waiting for a golden age whose day is past, I suppose.

So I have an ant problem, I have mentioned this before. Honestly I see ants crawling all over my desk all day long. I can look down and see like 4 or five of them at any given time, walking on my keyboard, my mousepad, up the side of my monitor. Yeah it used to be fucking revolting but it's almost become sort of cute by now. I love pulling them off of my arms, wrists, and pants. I don't want to think about the ones which are probably crawling near my orifices. Apologies to Salvatore Dali. This would all be well and good if i was a slob but i am really not, there's a couple of empty water bottles on my desk that that's it really. Our office is just infested with ants - I need to buy some serious ant traps and just obliterate the whole colony. DIE you little fuckers! (waiting for the ironic part where i see ants crawling across the screen over the word "ants" which i'd just typed)

I am no stranger to ant infestation. I am forgetting if i have memorialized my Anty Past in my blog before, and since myspace blog tools are anemic to say the least, I will assume I've not gone off on it - if so, chalk this up to a rerun (hey it is summertime). I remember living in the valley during one particularly hot summer. And then - the ants came. They came by the dozens, the hundreds, the thousands.. I can't count. There was this thick long line leading into the house from the back door, a line comprised completely of ants coming to and going fro. We called it "the Ants 405". You could smash as many of them as you wanted, but it wouldn't matter, they'd just keep coming, as ants do. Over the carcasses of their fallen bretheren, it would not matter. PROGRESS-- EXPLORE!! SEARCH!!! CONTINUE!! ADVANCE!! They'd got all over the house. Again let me say that I was not a slob and we didn't have a messy house or food lying around (Well, besides the dog dish). But the ants where everywhere. I would wake up in the morning and there'd be several ants crushed under my back from when I was sleeping. I'd pick up my alarm clock and ants would be walking all in and out of it. I'd open the fridge and there'd be ants in EVERYTHING. And even the freezer.. I would put a glass under the ice depositor thingy and ice cubes with frozen dead ants would come out. I opened the freezer and there'd just be these big balls of dead frozen ants clumped together inside. Yup, so.. pretty gross.

We had a hot tub. I mentioned the tub beofre, I am sure.. it was Pam Anderson's manager's tub. Or something. Anyway we'd routinely clena it (as one has to) - there was a huge ant colony inside the motor housing. I opened up the housing for whatever reason and more ants then I had ever seen in my life just came streaming out.. we put some water or something in the housing and they all fled. It was like a moving sea of blackness, for like 15 minutes.

So. Yeah. Ants. There you have it. I am making myself feel itchy now.

I am tired. I have been working all hours lately and little else - my social life has withered up and died, essentially. I am not too happy about that, but you can't have it all.. It will be back, anyway. And I have doen my share of partying and hanging out I suppose. But, yeah, it's taking a toll on me lately. It's colored my mood and got me kind of down - I can't really moan about it too much 'cause the whole point of it all is "get a job, keep a job!" these days, and that's usually a tough thing to do in my life it seems. Oh, I like it, at the end of the day - things are never stagnant, there's always tons of new shit to learn, new rhythms to adjust to, new technology and technique to conquer and coexist with, new politics to finagle - things are not dull and dreary. It's just tiring, and as I get older it wears me down a little more as the years pass. In the recent years I would counter it with some excessive party-heartying, but the times are frowning on the continuing of that lifestyle for a number of reasons, and so I have to stick to the straight-and-narrow. Yeah, that's fine too, and I feel like a good american and consumer - I fill my tank, i eat my carbs, I flush my toilet, i pay my bills. But where I'd usually had this feeling of "inevitably building towards something greater," I feel like my ignorance and naivete is giving way to desire for security, stability, and steadiness (bless those acronyms) and rather than mess with the world on a daily basis, I just want to make it thru the weeks and keep my head above water and my S together.

Yeah, so... I need a little vacation. An honest, worry-free time in my life where I can just chill and not sweat the immediate future and just plunk down and relax for five freakin' minutes. I need a solid weekend where my only concern is finding a decen tparking spot on the beach, and if there is enough suntan lotion in my bag so i won't look like a lobster at the end of the day. I want to lie down on my couch and marvel at how comfortably soft it is without slipping immediately into slumber-mode 'cause i am worn down from making myself nuts with overblown neuroses. I want to look at my life and my work and my society and put it into a manageable schedule for all it's elements, how much it will all cost and how much time I will spend on it and how many more miles my car will be able to sustain me as we power thru it all together before i need to take out a new loan for a newer uglier ride.

i think the only solution is to buy a convertible, at this point.. skin cancer or no skin cancer..!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

the mooooovies

got the day off from work today - i am behind, but rather than going into the office (the daily haul!) i decided to work from home. not something i can do often, but it's a nice option when it is available.

i am backing up some files to free up some space on the ol' HD, so i got a couple min free. might as well kill it with the blog. or whatever.

beautiful day - smogy, as usual, but it feels nice and the air is gentle, if it can be called that. it's just nice to cruise around hollywood and hang out for a quiet day at my place - it's nice to get some work done here too, as opposed to being office-bound. no commute, no ants crawling onme. i mentioned that already, huh. also i can look out my window at the lemon trees, and gawk at the hot chicks exiting the apartment bldg next door.

so i thought i would write an uncharacteristic post about the theater. "what? ron hates things that everybody else likes! Oh be quiet dammit (it's hilarious how many different
friends of mine like to tease me about that, independently of one another).

it's been years since i have been an honest-to-goodness movie buff.. in fact i have really only had a passing interest in that whole scene, in general. sure, i like films, but as i have often written, i never usually get juiced up to see some movie or other, really. there's often something i might be somewhat interested in seeing, but really i never have this feeling like "ohhh i NEED to see this film!" I guess i used to feel that way when i was a kid, i can think of a couple different episodes in my history.. more on that later. I guess growing up in a time when there'd been such a heavy emphasis on interactive entertainment, it was always more compelling to me to spend my leisure time DOING something rather than just sitting back and observing. If only what i was actually "doing" all those years involved more physical activity, outside in the sunshine, rather than sitting in front of the tube with a Nintendo controller gripped between my adolescent fingers. Sigh, like i said, symptomatic of my generation (and also, we jewish children are usually too nerdy to be jocks) I guess i can blame my parents for not forcibly kicking me outside more often anyway. If i am ever a dad, that's something i would force my kids to do "go...outside.. and PLAYYYY!!!" Even if they hate me for it, it will be better for them.

Anyway, so movie memories - yeah, for me, my past experiences with films usually pertain to what was going on in my life when i saw some film or other, and the circumstances leading up to seeing it. if the film sucked, then whatever, but if it was a good (or interesting) time leading up to that, then a good film would be received much better (or, at least more memorably).

I look back on my childhood and remember the films i saw as a kid - mostly it would just be my folks dragging me to a film, i don't remember really nagging my parents to take me to this film or that very much (it's happened a couple of times, but not a normal thing) I remember my dad took me to see the Muppet Movie when i was like.. 3???? I enjoyed it, but the part with Mel Brooks and the Electric Yarmulke scared the crap out of me. I guess I must have seen Star Wars @ 1981 or something, i am not totally sure when that was. Unlike 90 percent of my generation, i have never held that film in such unbelievable reverence.. I enjoyed it, but I never felt so utterly captivated by it as my peers claimed to. Even back in the days, i can't remember the other kids being quite so ga-ga about it (at least no more so than anything else). i guess it just wasn't a big Star Wars scene in Framingham, what can I tell you. A couple of things stand out, however.. early in the film, when Luke's adoptive family (and their entire town) is referred to as having been destroyed while he was away, it really FREAKED me out!! So much so that I had this uneasy feeling for the entire rest of the film, i never could get over that. (well, i have by NOW). Also I remember the film seemed to be extremely LONG. I enjoyed it but when it was draggingon I'd get anxious and just want the amn thing to wrap up already ("Ron are you sure you're not Gay?" I can hear it now..) I remember my dad took me to The Empire Strikes back when it was released and enjoying it so-so, not terribly memorable for me at the time (I guess i was like 8 or something) - though by the tme the final one released, I was interested in seeing that one. Hey , i just realized, I am writing a BLOG about STAR WARS. I have finally come full circle!

I guess that's my queue to change the subject- though I will mention, I had a playroom as a child, and my mother bought all these cool posters to hang up in there (Muppet Show with the full cast, etc) and this awesome Darth Vader poster. My little brother's friend would get scared and cry when he saw it, so she took that one down (awww...)

I guess I should get this one out of the way, I also saw Tron when I as 8. Man, that movie was weird. I don't know if I compelled my mother to take me to that picture, or if they just did anyway, but man.. that film was WEIRD. I was a pretty big videogame freak even at that young age, and this film just completely sucked me in. It's still pretty taboo to refer to it in mixed company these days, unless you're kind of a hardcore dork, but I don't care - my brother and I loved that film, even though it waqs truly bizarre and surreal and overall really firghtening, foreboding and nightmarish. The visuals, the concepts, the overal ambience, the music, everything about it just seemed like this crazy alien world.

More than a few films coming out in that period reflected a general cultural tone, again I'll refer to the star wars movies - more so than in the 70s and prior, we had a lot of high-concept sci-fi films and stuff sort of gathering notice in the mainstream, these htings were getting serious budgets (relatively), expensive fantasy was becoming this new and marketable thing in a way that it never was before (always very much niche, prior). I guess anyone who witnessed the 70s and 80s would have to agree about that. It's funny, since I am so apathetic about fantasy now in my adult life, but as a child I grew up absolutely immersed in it... it was hard not to!

Damn how long does this CD take to BURN????

A couple of other films. i remember when the Transformers movie was being released in 1986, I was 11 years old. MAN OH MAN was a I a huge fan of that show - It was a very unusual thing for a movie version of a TV show to be released, and so I was suitably excited for this one. I remember the day it came out, there was a hurricane warning and my mother did not want to drive mt to the movie theater. OH MY GOD, you would think I had just found out I was going to be jailed or something, i was so very upset with my poor mom... I wailed and whined and almost cried, I wanted oh-so-badly to see this movie "HAVE to see the Transformers movie!" Well she gave in, ultimately, and drove us to the theater - i think I missed the prologue (who cares), but I was riveted. In hindsight.. SUCH an upsetting and violent movie! I won't repeat what's been said so many times before, but that was sort of a traumatic day of my young life. 10 minutes into the film and half of the characters are shot and killed. That's hilarious.
Man, it's just a cartoon.

I am tired of writing about my stupid nostalgia...

I remember going to see Pee-Wee's big adventure with my friend Danny Kaufman (or was it Dan Freedman? i don't remember). This was another example of one saturday afternoon, I am minding my own business, and my mother says "I am going to drive you and Danny to the movie theater to see Pee Wee's Big adventure." Me: "Mom what the hell is that? I don't wanna see some dumb sounding movie called 'Pee Wee's Big whatever', it sounds so stupid" Her "Well you're going, put on your shoes" Man.. needless to say, she dragged me there and dropped me off, but about 5 minutes ino the film I had totally come around on the subject. that movie KICKED ASS. I guess my mom is pretty cool. Sigh.. I could watch it RIGHT NOW.

In a similar vein, i remember going to see the Weird Al movie "UHF" when it came out in 1989. Ever since i was a young'un i LOOOOOVED weird al - he was just so, uh, "weird.." I saw a preview for that thing and knew i had to see it. The movie was awful, but honestly it was probably one of the best movie theater experiences i have ever had! I have never laughed so much in a theater in my life. That thing was amazing. For years my friends made fun of me for enjoying it so much, until they got a little older ad could appreciate it the way I did. Sigh, it's a difficult thing when you are so much smarter than EVERYONE around you, y'know what I am saying? Y'all?

That year (1989) was the first "big movie year" I can remember. Yeah.. 1989. Just finished up middle school, getting ready to start as a freshman at Framingham North High. The new Batman movie with Michael Keaton was coming out, with tonnnns of hype behind it. the new Indy film also. I was pretty excited. I had to go see Batman the first day it was playing, at the first showing. I had already bought the comic adaption but kept it stowed away so as not to ruin the surprise. I kept watching the 20/20 sneak preview on VHS to get psyched for it. Batman was my favorite. I had on my batman tie-dyed Tshirt. i was ready.

I was disappointed. the movie sucked. well it did not suck, but man.. it kinda bored me. it started out cool but just deflated pretty quickly. the action scenes were sparse and strangely shot, there was too much joker time and not enough batman kicking the shit out of the criminal underworld time (though, the action scenes were pretty tight). I thik I was just let down by the hype. Still, I had to see it again, and I enjoyed it. The next few summers, they started rolling out the new Action fests pretty regularly, each season being phenomenally more expensive than the last, you had all the Schwarzenegger films (T2, total recall, etc), Disney movies were in vogue suddenly (hip and stylish, not just for little kids anymore)

When I went to college, this was around the time when movies were starting to be something that could be collected - growing up I'd always see them advertised in the TV guide VHS review section with MSRP's @ $120 or so - buying a film was a retarded idea! We'd just dupe them if we liked them, not with flawless results, but that's how it was and so you didn't mind (besides, you could fit a couple onto a tape, at the sacrifice of more quality). "tapes," those days were all about "tapes." VHS tapes, cassette tapes.. people even called NES cartridges "tapes." People are idiots. THERE'S NO "TAPE" IN THERE, YOU STUPID WHITE TRASH MORON!! Sorry, i am still a little bit angry. there, there.

Anyway, College. So now people were buying VHS tapes of movies left and right, @20 a pop - they'd also release them onto video much soon after the theatrical run would conclude (it used to take what seemed like ages, like.. at LEAST 6 months for a video to release after the theater was thru squeezing it dry. No matter what the film was!) Anyway the point was, being in college suddenly meant watching WAY more movies. Lots of my friends had at least small collections of films, and half the time we'd be hanging out in someone's dorm watching something or other, drinking beer, eating delivered pizza, making out, usually at least half the people in the room would be under the influence of some controlled substance or other.. sigh, yeah, those were the days! We had this thing called "HSCN" (Housing services cable network) which would prety much be showing newly-released videos 24/7. no flash, just cheesy-looking Amiga Toaster graphics with bulletins about a pep rally or committee meeting or NCAA game and a bunch of movie times, some shit you'd like to see, some you wouldn't. some you wouldn't even know WHAT it was, but if it was on and there's nothing else to do then might as well give it a shot, luck of the draw eh? It's free anyway (saw some cool movies, randomly, that way. "barton fink") Also back in those days, for the first time in my life, we'd go in HORDES to see movies. Your dorm-side was your extended family, so about 15 or so of us would pile into the car's of whoever was privileged enough to actually OWN a ride, head out to the mall, and just all catch the latest flick together. yeah, those were GOOD times, 'cause even if the movie was atrocious ("jim carrey film") it was the weekend and you were out having a blast causing some mayhem with all of your gang. then you'd go back to campus and get loaded. Whew!!

I remember going out to see "te new Quentin Tarantino flick" during early sophmore year. I had seen reservoir dogs years before, and enjoyed it enough, but not enough to become, I suppose, a connoiseur. Anyway, there was a preview for this thing called "Pulp Fiction" and it looked.. well.. not so wonderful, in the preview. and I am one of those retarded peopl who "hates some words" and Pulp is not a word that i like. "Orange juice pulp" - it just sound gross! But i LIKE orange juice! It's alright. Anyway, what do you want from me. Anyway point is i was not too psyched to see this film, but i got dragged along. John travolta's in it? How can it NOT be good? (haha) Anyway I won't state the obvious, let's just say that the movie definitively altered the path for popular culture for some time. Shawshank Redemption came out arond the same weekend and got DESTROYED. I remember seeing it later and enjoying it very much, and feeling like they got super-shafted...

I remember going to see Shindler's List.. haha i snuck a subway sandwich into the film with me and chowed on the thing for the first 20 minutes of the Holocaust. What am I if not classy, though? I remember there was a fair degree of hubbub surrounding the film (duh) at the time of it's release, though at a party college campus you're not really going to get waves of excitement over such a thing. Still my interest was piqued, and my half-german roomate was eager to see it (we each dressed in the opposing team's colors for the event.. we also carried little flags to cheer the teams on. He even had a giant foam finger with a swastika on it.. oh ok, enough already) Seriously, that was a tough film to watch, I remember when it ended the whole audience just sat and stared at the screen, silently, through the entire credit roll. then we went outside to wait for a bus to bring us back to campus, it was snowing and freezing and bright (though very late)-- the bus took like another hour to arrive. It was a bizarre night.

Movies.. movies movies... Danny Freedman (who I also went to see Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure with.. we weren't daring enough to skip scholl to see it like the Skids did, though) wet with me to see Police Academy IV, I guess we were in Middle School? I will always remember that (terrible) movie as the one that had the longest dragging-on ending. I had to pee sooo bad, but i really wanted to catch the ending. Which sucked. I don't know what is wrong with me. i sat there twitching in my seat for like 25 minutes. OCD anybody?

I remember seeing the Disney flop "the rocketeer" - and then going to see "the naked gun 2 1/2" wth my friend Pat (1990?) As his folks pick us up, he tells me "tell them we're going to the rocketeer" then after they left us off at the theater, we got our Naked Gun tix and walked on in. About 20 minutes into the film, his mom and dad show up - IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FILM - and somehow find us and drag him away "Patrick, you are coming with us!" And he spilt. So weird! What the hell? Did his dad have a thing against leslie nielsen? All i can think of is that they didn't like the double-entendre name and thought it was some completely different kind of movie. I'll never know.

Okay this has been a long and pointless ramblefest. I have plenty of other appendages to this story, but my DVD is done burning, and I have stuff to do. So, that's where I go now.

Friday, June 08, 2007


go to sleep! i am trying.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


yeah i wrote a couple hours ago, but i needed to write an update. to vent. to complain. drum roll.

1. my food came here earlier than i realized - no one told me! it sat, alone, on the ant table. no ants appeared to be init though. also it was warm enough to still taste good. BUT - they skimped on the hot n sour soup. also there were minimal pieces of chicken in there. Pfeh.

2. I hate when guys named Christopher are called "Topher." I never heard of this until i read an annoyin book some years ago by that dave eggers jerk who is from SF. "Toe-fer" - F that. "Christopher" is bad enough - "Chris" I can deal with but "Topher" has gotta go. I also disliked the name "Drew" for many years until listening to loveline- but if i hear the name drew and it's not preceded by And- or Doctor, then I am pissed off.

What's with long versions of names anyway? Why can't most of them sound not-obnoxious? I hate when I know a "Jim" who insists on being referred to as James. Or "Jason" isn't just Jay. Could you tell I did not like being referred to as Ronald while i was growing up...

hey, I am gonna buy a Tron book. That's not a complaint, though. I wonder if there's any Tron Coloring Books on Ebay - or Tron Puzzles. Or Tron Halloween Costumes. Or Hide n Sleep's.

Oh my god. I would completely buy a Tron Hide N Sleep. Can you imagine just how cool (no one knows what I am talking about, that's alright)

flesh-colored cheetos

didn't i write in this last nite already? WTF? i have a friend who actually says "double-you Tee Eff" when he gets mad. It's-a great.

7:57, waiting for chin's cafe or whatevr the hell it is called to arrive. they said it would be her ONE MINUTE AGOOOO. why is it not here now. another late night of working, i have been powering through my work lately.. i have so much stuff to make, in such a short amount of time. please refer to older post about "the pain in the ass-ness of making nextgen art" Ah well at least it seems to be looking better, i guess. keep building.

weird dream last night - i was kind of an asshole in my dream. i forget a lot of it, basically i was single and living in new york i guess. i was at the bookstore and met a couple of girls, one of them was real cute but her less-attractive friend started to kiss me so i decided "whatever, i guess i can go out with her instead." We made plans to go out and i headed around town and met some other girl at a grocery store or something.. she gave me her card. cruising around, wasting time, i realized i was a bit late (like 1 hour) for the date i had with the unattractive chick. i am always late for everything, what's the difference? anyway she called and left a voicemail on my phone, i listened to it - it was the LONGEST VM EVER (not true, i hold the record for that..) Anyway she started off sounding sad and disappointed in the message, which gave way to anger, screaming at me, and sobbing... i suddenly was very glad that i had not met up with her as she was apparently very crazy and pathetic. i decided to avoid her (i love the word "avoid!") and decided to meet the other chick who'd given me her card. i entered her building quite brazenly, as she lived a few flights upstairs from the crazy and dejected female...

now where's my food. dammit.

what if i spat on the horizontal?

yup. another night. another night with my bum planted firmly in the seat.
i think i freaked out a little bit lately. not "oh oh OHHH MY GOD" freaked out, but more of the usual "ahh, damn, whining, grumpy old man-type observations" freaked out.

i AM getting grumpier. that's no surprise - my friends make fun of me now "what's wrong ron why do you have to hate everything!" I used to be the one with all the sheer unbridled obnoxious enthusiasm all the time. it remains, but it's definitely got covered with a layer of urine, it seems, lately.

i went to target tonight to buy a brook and dustpan. it perturbed me that the target on bristol in santa ana was exactly like the target in van nuys. the home appliances, the picture frames, the DVD burners, the stools.. the little salty pretzel stand.. all the same. okay we were maybe facing a different direction, but yes. i am no stranger to complaining about these types of things "why's it all gotta be cookie cutter!" and to be honest if it was laid out differently, i would also have been pissed "ohh shoot the store's closing in 15 minutes how am i gonna find what i am looking for?" so you see, really, the universe can not win. no matter what it does to me, i will still bitch about it. anyway they didn't have the type of broom i wanted. i did find a reasonable version up the street at bed bath and beyond, which closed just as i had paid for my purchase. i still haven't cleaned up those stupid ashes....

then i got a cheeseburger. i am not supposed to eat cheeseburgers. i had one for lunch already. i had one yesterday off my BBQ grill. i had one the night before when i was stumbling home drunk from the bar (or so my wallet tells me, from the tommy's receipt). ergo, no more cheeseburgers for awhile. it's alright, i have been eating way to omuch roughage to balance it out in general, anyway. Mmm.. leafy! Salady goodness.

i bought a few design books the other day - we have a great store for that in los feliz. this store is GREAT, the place is overloading with tons of books about all manner of kitschy americana trash. seriously, if i had money i would buy the entire place out. i can go in there and just wile away hours, looking at albums of futurist architects or german advertisements from the 1970s or whatever. refridgerator magnet collection books. that sort of thing. okay it might sound a litte bit retarded but trust me, it's very cool.

driving home tonight i was pissing on santa ana in my mind. oh, get over it! when i was having to work again in the valley, i was pissed as well. i was SO done with the place. it's just a place where your office building is located. i don't even mind the drive so much.

i guess i should echo my recent sentiments though - yeah i am TIRED of doing the same thing. i mean, i have different things to do (all the time). gotta keep up withmy peers, always gotta learn tonnnns of new stuff, new technique, new style, get faster, better, etc. But i think my stamina's waning a little. maybe it's just a settling period, maybe i am just tired of always getting so sucked into this thing all the time.. sucked in, spat out, back and forth. like i said - i'll complain if it's stable, or i will complain about it if it's dramatic. i am a grumpy old man!!!

but yeah i was fantasizing about having a different life as i drove. like, what if i was some different guy. not just another suit, or just another nerdy game guy, but just another wild weirdo out there doing whatever. i am so plugged into society, with my car and my paycheck and my girlfriend, my friday night, my usual place to get a burrito. the jobs change, the faces change, but the years pass and "the more it changes, the more it stays the same." I guess you do hit some kind of plateau after awhile. And it does feel good to have stuff behind you, the worrisome mystery gone "now how the hell am i gonna handle it when X happens? What if she wants to see other people? What if i lose my job? What if my car breaks down? What if so-and-so moves away? If there's traffic going to blah blah destination, what other route can i take?"

anyway, i guess i miss the excitement of the mystery a little, sometimes. but i am glad to have things waiting for me to figure out, still.

go to sleep. you think too much.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

yes and no pt 2

sigh. another weekend spent in the office. i actually was planning to let my hair down this weekend.. guess it's not to be.

there's something to be said about next-generation technology. we get all psyched because "ohhh ohh look at all the things we had to do before to make things look nice, we now have all this POWER to play with and we can do so much more - everything will be easier!!!" Well bullshit, with the extra power comes "oh look how much higher quality we can make everything, let's skirt realism less and work that much harder to make things even more detailed!" Yeah, so it is and has always been, and little changes in that situation. Anyway, that's why i am in on weekends, ever.

bitching about work aside, things are alright. i would not say i am in a particularly wonderful mood lately, but at least things are better than they were months ago. i still like working here, and everything else in my immediate circle is going according to plan. i will be happy when i pass some forthcoming milestones in my life though. as usual i am trying to keep mellow these days, i have not been partying much... at all.. and just trying to keep out of trouble and save up some money. it always feels like that takes so long to do! I feel like i wish i could lock my personality in a time capsule while my work-self just chugged through a couple of years, just to even everything out. sometimes it almost feels like that's how it goes -

to be honest, a little bit lately i have been reminiscing about the truly weirder times in my life, like when i was newer to LA and much stupider about many things in general. i do miss that energy, even with the weird drama i was going through. it was just new and exciting. nothing really has felt new and exciting in a way i have wanted it to for awhile - i guess you become familiar with the same basic things in your life, overall, after awhile and as you get older, you kind of just bond with that. yeah, here i go talking like an old guy - you get settled into your patterns. what you eat, what type of things you do for fun, what types of movies you watch, books you read. getting older is all about less experimentation and more like going with what you know, don't take chances - don't waste your time! okay, so i am having some problems dealing with being 30.

halfway to 60.

1/3 to 90.

So don't worry, I am absolutely sure I will not live 'till 90. But I digress.

I think I will cheer up when I wrap up this level and have some cool work behind me to feel proud of, at least.. cleaning up my apartment would help too.

don't mind me. i am just whiny because i am unwrapping a sofa for the last hour and change.