Thursday, April 16, 2009

yes i am a cruel mean guy

Yeah. Yeah I am. yeah.

Tired. Sleepy. I am sitting here trying to do work (and getting a little sidetracked) - my girlfriend is watching one of those latenight TV shows (Jimmy Fallon) with Elmo as a guest. It's very invigorating, trust me.

Life is alright. Super busy. I am hustling like a madman right now. Every day I hop in my car and drive here, there, or somewhere in between to meet this dude or that cat. It's good to keep running around, making contacts, finding leads, talking about plans - helping me get a little more confidence in what it is I am trying to do, none of it is really hard but of course the climate is a little peculiar right now (you know, what with everyone being jobless and broke and everything). But hey. It's a life.

I have been hitting the little comedy theater up the road from me lately. it's such a nice little sidestep out of my usual routine, I am so glad to have that stuff in my life. Five bucks and a night out with my friends for a couple of hours of standup in their tiny little closet of a place - yes it is quite intimate. We usually bring a couple of sixpacks in there (makes it crappy when you gotta run to the toilet in-between sets!) but really, it's one of the nice little perks of being out here! We hit the neighborhood bar next door to have some drinks, eat some wings and shoot the breeze after - then after my girlfriend and her buddy called it a night, the rest of us piled into a cab van and shot over to cinespace for some madness dancing. Still my favorite club! They always have a DJ up front and a band or something going on in back - the dude in back (dunno who it was) was actually putting on a really energetic set, I enjoyed it! I ran onstage like in the old days, the bouncer wasn't too keen on that but I get down before he decided to kick me out (which is good. I haven't got kicked outta space in a long time. It's not a nice feeling!) We headed home after the place closed, ordered pink dot (yay cigarettes and pizza at 3am!) and played Jenga. A good night!

Gonna try and do some more work then call it a night. I didn't get much zzz's the last couple of days-

Sunday, April 12, 2009

dying in s-t-y-l-e

what's up, blog that I never use anymore. Hey, it's true. I have other things to do these days!

Honestly, I had been rather prolific on this thing, but lately this (and the other) are fairly neglected. I attribute it to being really busy, tired of whining, and feeling like there's a lot going on in my life that I should probably keep mum about. So, then.

Things are alright. it's been two months since I've been out of work (again). It's a weird feeling, still not a happy one (I have bad dreams.. a lot!) but it is bittersweet. As I have said, I was not very happy with the path I was one, and hopefully my new direction can be a much more positive one. It is hard to say though - all I can do is work hard, try to make the best decisions I can, and keep my outlook positive and constructive.

The week was really busy (they all are!) I am running around these days, a lot - but I have had some time to sit in front of the PC and mess with actual work stuff, which hasn't been bad. There's a little comedy theater up the street from my house (when I say "little" I mean "the size of your closet") and it's a treat to head over there now and again, pick up a six-pack, and enjoy some nerdy comedy once in awhile so I can forget about the things that ail me. A group of us went there Tuesday night, it was a lot of fun - then, powered by a bit of booze, my friend MVG and I headed to Cahuenga and Hollywood to drown our misery (we did a good job of it), got home somehow...

Thursday night I was invited to a Passover Sedar (my first one in... 9 years!!!!), which was certainly interesting. I got to read the Four Questions, my hebrew was (ahem) rather rusty. But hey, y'know. The food was REALLY good! Overall, it did strike a chord and reminded me very much of being a kid and attending those. Afterward my friends coaxed me out for some drinks at the neighborhood bar- the night got a little dramatic, after the rambunctious evening that was Tuesday night, I decided to take it slower and didn't go over-the-top with partying (I didn't have the mood for it!). The high point was going back to my place and plugging in the Super Nintendo and walloping my buddy in Street Fighter 2. Man - I miss the good old days. I still have to say that one of my favorite things in the world is coming back from a wild night and playing some games with my friends, it's not something that really happens in my life much anymore - but when we do, I completely enjoy it.

On that note, I will take an aside for one moment and say that I don't like the current trend towards online play. I admire the tech, and I can completely understand why it is popular (and necessary, even) - but I will never get the same enjoyment out of playing a game vs. another human when they are not actually right there beside me, it feels kinda pointless to me, personally. I guess that's my old-fashioned-ness kicking in.

Furthermore, I can completely not enjoy video games at all like I would if it were not my profession. I can never "go back," but I just wanna say that those of you out there who turn to such things for recreation, in a way I do envy you...!


Facebook. Everyone in the damned world is on Facebook now. Even me (my girlfriend decided that this would happen!) Arriving late to the party on Facebook is a strange feeling indeed - now that Myspace, which was once the hip domain of us trashy slutty partiers, is completely passe' the world has shifted it's attention to something more malevolent. But, it's strange to look at Facebook. Instead of the blog posts and comments of Myspace, we get plugged into everyone's day-to-day thoughts on FB, it is strange. It's too much! I guess I feel like an outsider since I got in so late - as well, it is just weird to see people on there who never really plugged into myspace and now are totally into that vein, people I know from my past. It's a bizarre feeling, I don't know how to describe it. Makes me feel kind of lonely or something, like I don't belong there (not just the stupid online service, you know what I mean). I am tired of the virtual world, it's doing a good job of replacing the real world and that concerns me. I will keep blogging, not because "I am merely a hypocrite" but rather, I do want to keep a journal of my life that I can look back on (when I get old and boring for REAL). That's really the only part of this that matters much to me anymore, the rest of it is just business.

Tonight we went out for Thai food with May's friend Thao. The food was extremely tasty, I am very fortunate to live in a place where there is such a variety of delicious (and affordable) food available all over the place, and just a short drive away. Hollywood/Los Angeles is a crazy place with lots of ups and downs, but no doubt about it there's a GREAT representation of worldwide culture sampled here, en masse..

Otherwise, the high point of my day was dragging my Hammock into the backlot and resting in the sun for about 20-30 minutes. It was party cloudy today, every time the sun went behind the clouds I'd get chilly and wake up - then a moment or two later it would peek back out, I'd warm up and pass peacefully back out into a relaxed rest. It was short, but pretty nice. It's gonna be a hectic busy week - there's too much stuff to do - and so, I go...

Saturday, April 04, 2009

my, it is quiet in here

myspace is pretty dead these days - but i guess it has been for awhile now. everyone who is cool is on facebook!! My girlfriend MADE me get an account there as well (sigh), but honestly - as noted recently, I am rather tired of the online social scene myself. It was novel (and fun) when I was single, sure, and if that was again the case I am sure I'd be more into it. But honestly I just haven't got much time to be surfing around the net these days anyway. It's all business!!

Things are alright. I just passed two months of unemployment. I have most of my middling things taken care of by now, all the little odds and ends that build up in life and seem to sit on the sidelines. Still a couple to handle, I suppose that it will all "never" be leveled out.. Otherwise, life is extremely busy, between meetings and planning and looking towards the future. How do I put this? I feel excited, but it is tempered with stress. I think the naive part of me has finally reached a point where it just wants to say "uncle. ok. just do whatever" and the bitter, jaded part of me sas "noooo! I need you, naive part!" There is usually a very delicate dance between those two, anyway..

My mood is okay, considering the falling-apart sate of the world that you hear in the day-to-day news, I feel like I am keeping a good-enough face. It's hard to ever really get down in Hollywood (contrary to what I have said 1,000 times). Well if it was really true, would I not have left by now? The upside of what's going on (not steady work) is that my social life gets to enjoy some rejuvenation, I am seeing lots of old friends whom I have not been in touch with, for ages.. Usually the topic of discussion is heavily colored by business, but that's what we are about I suppose.

Upsetting dreams last night, dreams about mortality and age - I am feeling older, it's true. I don't like that I am in my mid-thirties and still haven't got to some more established level in my life; at the same time, I acknowledge that I may be somewhat hard on myself, it's one of those "shit, I know kung fu!" things that hits you now and again. Oh if everything were so easy. Anywya in spite of my apparent lack of confidence, I seem to feel strongly that "I know what I am doing, as usual, and it's all according to the plan." I guess I can say more than many, in that regard.

2009 will be an interesting year. It is going to be rough, my head will hurt a lot, and I won't come into much money - likely, less than the previous year, to be honest. But hopefully it's a solid setup for the next few.