dream on

no news this week really. the whole week has pretty much been a wash really, i have been sore and feverish and not felt like doing much of anything. i would have liked to push forward and worked a bit more on my portfolio, but biology comes first i suppose (though i did get my website updated a little, and tidied up to boot).

strange dreams last night (yeah, i love the anxiety dreams). I dreamt I was living in the house i spent the most of my youth in - after i moved out of there, i had dreams for YEARS that involved me still living there, but now it's been a good 10 years since that's been the case. Anyway I was still kind of employed but trying to do video capture of some of my work for my demo reel, so - as we were moving our desks around at the office - i "borrowed" a $20,000 Playstation 2 development kit and brought it home so i could perform the video capture (note: i have not done anything like this in real life! Well, the vid-cap yes, the equipment stealing, no). I was in my old bedroom, and i kept resting the PS2 tower on the edge of my bed's comforter (noting it was about to fall!), finally resting it somewhere slightly more secure. I had to hook up mountains of spaghetti wires to get the process to work, and some of the jacks just wouldn't fit (so i forced them in, even though they were making "breaking" noises) I practically had to start disassembling the expensive unit when I gave up and moved onto something else..

I think I woke up and fell asleep again, or just the scene changed, because suddenly I was back in Framingham High School next - again, used to have lots of dreams about "the last day of finals at high school and i am not ready for them!" Well in this case I was a Senior, but I don't think I was terribly worried about taking a test. Class let out and I had a heavy-heavy bag ful of equipment (printers and books and crap) and I didn't want to lug it with me all over the place, so I figured "yeah well I will just throw all this crap into my locker.." Problem was, I hadn't used my high school locker in like... 14 years, which is true since I was my current age in my dream. Oh, that's depressing. Anyway the locker had been amazingly left open a crack, and all of my old books, notes, bas etc were in it.. i tore through everything, certainly I'd written down the combo somewhere, right? I kept getting flashes of memory "is that it, is that it? and trying different ones on the door to see if the mechanism released (to add to the pressure, there were like 3 different spinners). Hours passed, and I missed "the late bus" home so I knew I was gonna have to walk - I didn't want to be lugging this huge heavy bag with me the miles it would take to get home (though I didn't have anyqualms about walking otherwise).

Dreams are strange. If you've ever tried to read, or write something in a dream, you may notice that it's not been more than vaguely symbolic, if possible at all. I have seen strange words/etc but not true sensible sentences. Supposedly the part of your brain that deals in reading/writing doesn't really function when you are asleep, there's been studies on it - so it was really difficult for me to read the scrawls i had written down in my decades-old chemistry notebooks. Suddenly it came flooding to me through the clouds "7-18-24!!" I thought it was hogwash but i tried and the mechanism on the door limply lifted. I was not so much surprised that i had remembered, so much as aggravated that it took me so long. Now I wish I could go back to my old locker outside of Mr. Lutender's classroom and try it for real and see if that was what it was. Anyway I woke up at this point, the combo playing over and over in my head, also my current gym lock combo being remembered as well (probably a sign that my body wants to get back to the gym... sigh)

bah. I hate anxiety dreams. I need to have dreams where I am relaxing at a distant Polynesian resort watching the sun gently set while exotic women serve me pina colada's and rub my feet and shoulders, and fan me with palm fronds. Where can I get my brain reprogrammed?