changes up the tempo

yep. yepppp.. another of those "two-entries-a-day" days, yessiree bob....

well, this is something i don't like to type in here too much about, but it feels pertinent at the moment, so here goes. i am sitting here working on my art test (what else is new), all the REAL men of the world are watching there superbowl XXLLLVVINHDDJ or whatever, and I am cranking away unwrapping pixel-thin window frames (do not ask...) I have spent a lot of my work-time listening to "video gaming podcasts" lately, which is generally a bunch of nerds sitting around their PCs and recording discussions between themselves about the various topics relating to the industry in which i have been working. Yes, very nerdy, but also very useful to me, as I am not what one would call a "hardcore gamer" by any stretch of the imagination - well not so much as would be a conventional definition. Though i DID make it up to LVL 35 in Columns. And damn I would like to be playing that game right now, ohh my pants are tingly. No I am not joking. Anyway I have been hunting down different "shows" and finding some interesting ones to listen to (we're talking several hours of material, here) and it gives one a unique insight into the minds of those on the other side of the screen, the consumer side.. the aforementioned "hardcore gamer" side, which has now become quite a acceptable/expected thing in our culture (as opposed to when I was a kid, video games were pretty much seen as a child's toy/socially inept geek's plaything/etc)

Anyway. So I am listening to these shows, a lot of the people running these things have actually grazed the industry as well, to varying degrees. Mostly game journalism, but it does seem like more than a few of them have had a hand in some level of actual production. And it hits me, you know, here I am sitting at my desk belting away and as I was saying, I don't like to dwell on it too much, but yeah - I am still overall rather pissed off with how my career has gone, I am 32 years old and I haven't more thana couple of cents to my name, and "have to constantly jump through hoops to find a goddamned job..." My friends and family express sympathy for my situation, "we wish we could help," etc. etc. Which is all well and good, certainly appreciated but to be honest, it kind of pisses me off too. 'Cause I'll listen to this podcast, hear these super-HYPER-mega level nerds reminiscing about their own experiences in the industry, on the fringes and whatnot.. and I'll tell you, their dedication to all things gaming certainly seems like it behooves them to the field a lot more than I'd've ever thought, for myself... but DAMN - the point is, it is at times like this I can look back at the time I have spent in this industry, and the wonderful projects I have been able to work on, the great people I have been involved with, the experiences I have had - the things I have learned, the insight I have gained, the opportunities I have had, blah blah BLAH. A lot of the people in my field, they have to do some truly bottom-of-the-barrel bullshit to get where they are going, and maybe ultimately they never really get to that satisfying of a level, well at least not by my definition (whether or not they are happy and fulfilled is a different story, mind you... @#&!@#). The videogame industry, like many others, is certainly lined with plenty of shitty, boring, time-wasting unbelievable tedious crap that so many of my peers have actually had to live and breathe for years of their lives. I may not have the bank account to show for it, but I have a really nice resume with not much in the way of huge stinkbombs spread across it, which has been relativly (gulp) enjoyale to be involved, oh-so-intimately, with. Sure, maybe it wasn't all roses, but nothing in there was utter garbage (the Batman game and ER games might not have been top-level, or even in the neighborhood, but it could have gone so much worse). Yeah, and I mean, I got my first job like 5 months after graduation from college, and it was as a game artist - I never had to spend years doing testing, QA, etc.

So, yeah. I am still pissy and bitter, but when I look back at my history, it makes me thankful for where I have been and the pedigree of great projects I have my name attached to and the people I have been working alongside. It's exciting to consider what that means for my future, and definitely invigorates me. Back to the windowframes, then..