what were your intentions, exactly

sit at computer. slight headache. feel lethargic, not hungry - eating getting boring. read a bunch of posts about stupid game convention and everyone marvels at new stupid technology.

log into myspace "must type blog." McDonald's advertisement flashing with cut-out of delicious looking cheeseburger is dripping down the page. Okay NOW i am hungry.

Pfah. lethargy wins once again. It's a long empty day today - i went to yuca's for the second time this week, i think i could probably eat that carne asada burrito every single day for like 3 weeks straight and not get tired of it. it's like crack. i could eat one right now, they'd have to put jalapenos in it though. i could eat that for lunch and zankou schwaerma for dinner every night. that'd be a pretty satisfying life for me. i'd have horrible gas, and be real fat, and dead, but i would die happy. also i would have to have some armenian deli roast beef sandwiches too. man, am i really gonna want to drive all the way over to the valley to get one of those for lunch tomorrow? has it really been almost 6 months since i've sampled that culinary delight?

i'm what you would call a food bore. I go to a place, i find one thing i like, and then from then on after i have found the one thing, i will order that shit ad nauseam (there's a joke in there, i just know it). Casey's hot dogs in Natick, MA - 3 all-arounds with ketchup, a Pepsi. Antonio's in Amherst - Taco Pizza. Subway, before they changed the fucking meat (assHOLES!) - steak and cheese with everything. i can never have it again! Togo's? Tuna sandwich. BJ's Brewhouse? Chopped BBQ Chicken Salad (also at CPK, though not as delectable). Quizno's, chicken carbonera sub --- milly's, tuna melt.. Mel's, Reuben with Coleslaw instead of Sauerkraut. SanamLuaung, however it is spelled, the Pad thai chicken with sweet n sour sauce, and a thai iced tea. hey I could go there and get one NOW.

is everyone like me? does everyone relentlessly order the same shit nonstop? or am i just an unimaginative person with a simplified palate? Is this what happens from growing up and not eating seafood? Why am i so BORING AND PREDICTABLE? Maybe one day i will enter a fugue disassociative state and forget all my memories and what food i am supposed to eat. That's pretty unlikely. I think it goes down DEEP, to my neurons. Which are pretty deep.

So can you tell that i have been doing nothing with my day? I sat today. that's it. not sick. not working. just sat. reading the industry news, not even reading (honest to goodness) bullshit, though it still pretty much qualifies as such. No, for a guy who prides himself on "i don't really waste my time," i pretty much wasted a whole bunch of it. But it's okay, I guess we all have to have those days once in awhile. For crying out loud, I mean, some people watch wrestling....

Well, I think i mentioned this, I DID go for a walk today. It was nice, perfect day for a walk in the park, get a little air into the lungs, the blood pumping, just watch out for the erratically placed dog shit littered here and there and to and fro. Walking helps me think, helps me clarify, cause it's hard to do it while driving ("Don't die, don't crash!"). And it did help me clarify, and I wasn;t too psyched about it, but at least it does. Actually, it made me want to go out and party tonight, which I didn't do, because I am in a frame of mind right now where getting loaded just doesn't feel very enjoyable. Escapism is nice but I am already pretty far escaped anyway, there's only so far up against a wall that one can go (and for some reason, typing that does make me a little hungry).

No, I have said it before, drinking is a strange thing, an I have definitely had an unusual and colorful history with it. It's been a wonderful friend and a horrible enemy. It's not ever going to be something I can just chill out with, kick back and have a few - no, the point of drinking is to go somewhere ELSE. I do not have many regrets in my life, but I will say that i wish I had been a little more experimental back in the college days when such things were more societally appropriate. Yeah, they say "it's better to smoke weed when you're older than to get started with it when you're younger," but that's not really my plan. Especially with the downtime, i can see it becoming sort of like a snake-eating-its'-own-tail sort of thing, but beyond that, it's just not my thing, really. Weed gets you fucked up, but it makes you stupid, not care. Drinking makes you just get your engines revved and DO LIFE. This town requires a bit of "doing" to get anywhere with it, mind you - and i can see how one could easily "do a little bit much of life" to their detriment, but as I mentioned in an email to a friend earlier, "there is that self-defense mechanism to count on," and good thing, too.

Well, talking about drinking makes me feel lazy. So far in this entry I have made myself feel guilt for being lazy, and feel anxious to go out and explore the ever-present scene, and wish I ate a laundry list of food. And yet I find myself still typing and thinking on it and not giving a shit. Good time to stop then.