choke and die

a million things to say but it is so nice outside and i wanna get away from the computer.

no resolutions yet. i am still waiting for NYC to make me an offer - the stakes are high and leaving LA feels like it would be pulling off one of my arms. still i am so drawn to this idea.... i want to "grow up" some more. i don't know if i can do that here.

i haven't given an answer to the job offer (the good one) i DID get, and I hope they won't run outta patience - the clock is ticking. it has been.

it's been a strange week! i have been pretty social, a lot of jabberjawin'.. a lot of thinking. i am about to put on my socks and eat a burrito and then just go and walk around in the park, away from people and car alarms and distractions, and just think about stuff, walk around.. enjoy the beautifulness of the day.

i feel very driven to do many different things right now. i though "listing my options on paper" would help, but i really feel it's fruitless. i feel a gut decision is in order, but my gut is getting kind of large. sick of limbo, and yet i also realize this period has been good for me, overall. It's given me some perspective. But damn, i do need some money..