chaulk outline of my soul

hmm well i ate some Zankou tonight. Beef Schwaerma. One of the best things that could possibly be eaten. I wish.. i wishhhhh I could do it all over againnnnnn....

So I wanted to step back for a minute, with all the hectic-ness and running around in my life, and flip-floppery, and more than that, still pissed-off'ed-ness about the usual things, and I have to say that I am mighty thankful to have a lot of really wonderful, warm friends in my life. LA has an image of being full of flakey, self-important two-faced backstabbing assholes (have I made my point?) but I have to say in the time i have been here, I have absolutely met some very, very cool people. Yeah, it goes 2 ways, always - if you're just a dick all the time, people will treat you accordingly. But if you are kind of a nice person, not to the point where you are necessarily like.. LETTING PEOPLE walk over you left and right, but if you are kind of a cool guy and friendly, and nice, then I think it can come back to you. I mean, we all have our selfish asshole moments, for sure, and we all do some things we are not proud of, but I like to think I am an okay guy, and people do give me shit about it sometimes, but I am the way I am. And in times like these, when I feel I am sort of layed out on my ass in some ways, and just.. like on my own, it surprises me to see that more than a couple of my peers will be there for me and return the favor. I mean, I don't wanna go on and on about it, but in the past several days many of my friends (some close, some not-so-close) have just done all manner of shit for me. I hate asking for favors, but sometimes your back's to the wall so you put it out and see what you get, and I have to say I am veyr gracious for the outpouring of support.

Today a guy I used to sit next to the for the whole past year ran and got a bunch of data I needed from my old office. Sure, he could have been in some big trouble if he got caught for it, but he didn't even blink an eye about it. He even took a few minutes to run home and get some other stuff I needed from his place up the street right in the middle of his workday! (My car was parked riiiight behind the bosses' office too.. it was sketchy!) That honestly helped me BIG time though. Saved me lots of time and frustration. Another guy called me tonight and offered to donate a copy of our just-released game to me, which I spent $65 bucks for at the store today (I need to get screen video dumps of it). A few other dudes at the office went out of their way to get a bunch of separate screen grabs of the game for me before I even had access to it, and it was a huge help to my portfolio. Like I said, I hate asking for help but sometimes u just gotta...

Meanwhile various people I've met across the landscape of the industry have been offering support and contact info for people they know that I could send my portfolio and resume out to.. and in some cases they'll pass it along at their own company, and give me recommendations. I even got hooked up with some freelance work from a former fellow co-worker. My buddy Matt is generously donating his time and energy (and equipment!) to help me make a video DVD and my friends Edwin and Yaz have been helping me plot that stuff out and crit it and who to send it to for feature stuff, etc.

All these things add up, and it makes me realize that I am surrounded by a lot of cool, helpful people. It definitely makes me feel good, especially when I am down at times like this, to know I have this great support network of people who are friendly and appreciate me for the guy I am.

I feel like it's the fucking Emmys now. "I would also like to thank my parents..." It's true, though. Through this all my folks are very supportive, of course they're not psyched when I am out of work but even in their neurotic states, they are faithful and confident in me and that means a lot to me. My Dad always says "let me know if you need any help.." Which I HATE of course, 'cause dammit I am almost 32, but honestly I do appreciate him for that, to know he understands and wants me to know that I won't have to wind up on the street or something (I think I am past that point by now.. I hope!!!) Anyway at this point I have learned to think of that as the last resort, but still it is nice to hear.

And yes, it's also important to express a note of gratitude to my girlfriend, who gets to put up with my shit in a way that no one else gets to.. That's what dating is all about though right! Seriously, we talk about it, and she admits she knew she was in for some weird times when she decided to date "an artist" (is that what I am?) But whenever i hit the wall with that stuff, instead of giving me shit about it she is very supportive, she is the first one to run right up to me and let me know she'll do whatever we can. I try to be there for her too during her weirdness (we are definitely going through some weird times in our respective lives right now, in spite of one another)

so, yeah. I am still pissed about a lot of stupid obnoxious bullshit right now, but these times really bring out the best in people and makes me appreciate them, perhaps a lot more than I show it sometimes - thank you, everybody!