steal me some lemon

Hi blog. It is me again.

Wow it is September? For real? Holy crap. How does this happen. As I type it I note that I started this blog (on myspace) exactly 5 years ago. FIVE YEARS. That's a lot of typing. I think I am somewhere just past 500 entries in this (my personal) blog. That's not considering the two other blogs I have (business-related). Mind you this is the only one I "care" about- anyway with all the writing I need to do in general, for the biz stuff, it's probably little surprise that I seldom get a word in here more than once or twice a month. It's too bad, but at the same time - I have written enough! I spend a lot of time going back and forth over a lot of the same material, I suppose.

Anyway, things are going on as usual over here. Not a lot to say. I am now 8 months into unemployment, which is not good. I have been very busy with my time, and I have a lot to show for it, but it's a rough thing and honestly it is hard to believe it's gone on for so long. I will not be happy if I make it a full year and everything is exactly the same, that will be pretty pathetic. Anyway I don't plan to allow that to happen, no matter what it takes.

I am giving it two more weeks for things to shape up drastically, and then I will begin making plans to uproot my life as necessary to see what else can be done. I am starting to investigate things and talk to people about seeking employment outside of my home here in Los Angeles. It's not a happy thing, I know I have ranted and raved about wanting to do that a lot in the past, but it doesn't really feel like "what I want to do with my life" at this stage. Still, if i can get a job then I will feel fortunate, wherever it is.

I am still pushing forward with my independent developments, that's a hard and risky prospect as well but it is worthwhile and I am too far into it to want to pull out now. There's a lot of reasons to pull up stakes with that and use my energy for other things, but I still have a feeling that it can be of great use to me to continue. I am getting a lot of good feedback with all of that and it feels like a good prospect, though I am trying to maintain an air of realism about the whole thing. It's such a new and weird market, and so many people other tanme are likewise scratching their heads trying to figure out what, exactly, is the proper way to deal with it. I have seen some people close to me have some degrees of success with things - and I feel like we are on a very good route to some potential goodness as well. It's a big fight though, so we will see how things play out. Just gotta be sensible on it, and keep working really hard (and smart).

Otherwise, things are okay. Life has been very stressful socially for me lately, the things mentioned above don't do much to alleviate that. A lot of stuff has been going on with my friends, my relationship, that are just - well it's a lot of drama and I can feel all of this stuff starting to build up and seriously rattle my nerves. I was driving yesterday and damned near blowing up in my head from everything, it was the fullest feeling of rage I had felt in a long time. I have had a few moments like that lately, and no doubt a few more are in store. I settled down and came to grips with what was eating at me, but for a few minutes I was really ready to just say some pretty choice things to a good few people-

I guess the heat doesn't help. It is HOT OUT HERE. This is the hottest weather I have ever experienced in my life, thankfully I am living inthe city and no longer in the valley, else I would likely have died from some kinda brain damage or heat stroke or something by now. It's pushing or in excess of 100 degrees every single day. I wake up around 10:30 in the morning and it's so uncomfortable in my oven of a bedroom (upstairs) that I just need to getthe hell outta there. Fortunately the nights are much, much more forgiving.. there's big fires raging just outside of the city ("cue the fires!") and that is also super-wonderful, eh! My folks called me all worried that LA was gonna burn away...

In spite of my stressed mood, I am very happy with some of the potential things unfolding in my life. It is exciting and I feel like I am on a good path and putting my energies into a worthwhile effort - not just sitting around and wasting time. Everything is a lot of work, but it is rewarding and I am able to look at what we are doing and feel quite proud of it. As well, I must commend my biz partner as putting in a lot of work and being very easygoing to deal with, he has a lot to deal with as well and I understand that it's never easy on that end as well. I am glad he and I are working together and I am confident that only good things will come out of our partnership!

Well, it's late and I have some more work to do. Hopefully I will hit this journal again sometime before the next couple of weeks have passed, and there'll be some good news to lay down in here..