nooo-NO!!!

ohh boy! coming into another phase of blog neglect, i suppose. that's fine. keeping an online journal is a pretty dumb thing to do anyway, if you think about it.

um, so life is very busy lately. yeah it always is, so no news there. some stuff i can't talk about in here is fiercely occupying me (well, i guess i'll say it's job-related and leave it at that). Otherwise things are pretty much going along as they normally do. My girlfriend started back at school last week, so i took my cue and went out on the town for a couple of nights (hey, it had been awhile!) I was quite wound up and raised some hell for a couple of nights, thankfully i kept the madness to a minimum. Going out = always fun, and though the novelty is long since worn off, it was good to go out and feel like it was still out there waiting for me. classic times, certainly. though on wednesday, i made it out to boardner's just a liiittle too late - it's the wednesday night spot, and i didn't show up till past midnight as i was at a karaoke bar up the street (no singing for me though). So i got stuck in line with the locals, waited about 20 min or so before giving up and heading elsewhere. Which is fine - i had my crazy night the previous evening.

But waiting in line still took it's toll. it made me feel OLD. I may not look like an old gy, but i certainly start to feel the part at times. listening to the kids in line ranting about waiting tables and stuff, and realizing that they're all... sigh.. i don't wanna think about how many years my junior they were. Mind you I am not old YET, but it's definitely past my mid-twenties by a longshot, brother...! To cheer myself up I hit a couple other little local places - they were dead, but they were friendly, and it was late, and I didn't feel like heading home JUST yet as my engine'd got all revved up at the karaoke place. You know what - seeing myself type this, right now, as it is it fills me with drive and vigor. It's only Monday but i could go for another week of the same. I WON'T (there's actually responsible things I must take care of!) but i do feel the desire to let Hollywood have it's way with me, some more.

Well, I guess I will be in vegas in a few days and I will be able to exhaust my stupid demons at that point. (Exhaust, not exorcise...)

Not much [artying for me these days anyway. Gotta save up money, and I am gonna be sinking in to much heavier work schedule as well. I need to unwind here and there to balance it (if i become one hundred percent work-machine-maniac, with no release, then I just become steeped in pointless-feeling misery). We have our animal sides, and they have to come out - I get tired of denying that, though as I get older, I do feel like it gets denied more and more. That pisses me off!

My health is mostly fine, though I can feel myself getting a little funky. My body has changed a bit the past 5 years, it's not "old!" but it's feeling worn from my lifestyle and mental state, and i can see how it's reflecting that. I have always been kind of lean, not necessarily "in shape" but never a fat ass, and i feel like i am encroaching on fat ass territory more and more. my diet and lack of exercise are doing little to resist that. My attitude is "there's just not enough hours in the day!" and i get more and more careless as time wears on. It's difficult - I have a lot of pressure and that kind of maintainence is just one more log to throw on the fire. I need to yank myself back into that direction, as it really IS one of the most important aspects of anyone's life - rather than continue to take it for granted, as I do. I don't know what to do -- well, i DO know, i just don't know how to find the drive in myself again. It's got to start somewhere, is all I know. I like to think I have not begun to approach the point of no return.

My girlfriend and I are arguing lately, and I am not sure why. It's not bad, but considering we have not argued at ALL the past year and a half (or so), it's been a little more frequent I guess. I am not sure what it means - I think we are hitting a phase where we've been together for a certain amount of time, and though we definitely enjoy our quality time together (more so, I would say!), I feel like we're sort of pushing on one another's boundaries a bit more to see what will happen. It's not really as.. playful or insignificant as I make it sound, but I have to say it feels like a natural thing in some ways. Not growing apart or something like that, just getting to another level as time passes and trying to deal with one another in.. a more closer way, if that makes sense. I won't lie - being in a relationship, anyone would have to agree, it is NOT the easiest thing in the world.. unless you are both completely stupid and simple people. Anyone who is involved with any other person over a prolonged period of time, of course they are going to have periods where they push each other's buttons for whatever reasons.

I've been through it before, of course, but each time (with each person) the dynamic is different. I guess that's part of me, also - when I am involved with someone, especially after "the honeymoon period" is wrapped up, I tend to get hazy on some big aspects of the previous relationships. Like, a lot of the stuff "how to deal with significant others from the past" gets blurred and feels irrelevant. I don't know quite how to explain it, and i guess the upside of that is that there's more novelty each time (says Ron the otherwise completely jaded person).

It's a little strange to write about relationship stuff in a public place like this, not that many people will ever view it (though some relevant people certainly will) - and I have been in hot water for such things before - but it is important to me, and what's up with my head right now, and I believe that so long as things are handled properly and (well.. without getting into particular details) than anything is fair game, eh? Believe me, there's a part of me that just wants to spit every detail of everything that goes through my head and my heart into this blog, but of course you can't really do that - but I'll take what I can get.

almost 8pm, I intended to get further with my work today (it was productive, anyway) however it is late and I need to meet my friend in Santa Monica. So, I'm off.