late

another night staring at the build status bar. hopefully to wrap soon and get out and go home. i gotta swing by my friend's place to drop off some $$$ and then head to the homestead.. my place is kind of a mess, it needs to be picked up/vacuumed/laundered/dishwashed/etc. i try, i try. i open up my living room closet and i am greeted with a tower of CLUTTER. I want it all to just go away! when i see that stuff, it makes me feel like my life is all out of sorts, everything is disorganized, i don't know where anything is - out of control. Of course things aren't that bad for real, but that's the feeling i get when i look in there.

my bedroom upstairs, by comparison - it's EMPTY. there's a bed, and some clothes. of course it's starting to get a little overflow. Since i was a little kid, i've had issues with being able to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep for the night in a completely trashy room. this is probably a good thing right? Well anyway I am surely not OCD (not nearly) about this stuff. i do wanna have a clean home base though, where all my stuff is in order - sensible, unimposing. I guess I should get my car cleaned up for that matter..

Tuesday night, the Hollywood scene beckons me. Partying is beyond old, I mean like beyond beyond old, but it still feels very tempting to just let myself go and forget my troubles and turn my brain off for a night, kind of like getting lost in a stampede. The more time I spend here, the more homey it feels to me, with all it's warts. I am not too flush with cash right now, so I am gonna give my urge the benefit of the doubt that it won't *MAKE* me go out (that's right). Wish me luck. For now, I gotta hop in the car and hit the road.. tomorrow is another day.