shell out!!

another laaaaate night. when i should be sleepin'. but instead, i sit here.. wasting the night away, wasting my life away...

things are alright - i had a mellow-ish week at work, i mean it was one of those weeks that literally whipped by like a whirlwind.. no bother. it's a little unsettling, anticlimactic even. i feel like there's some weird pressure going on that i am either ignoring (yay! denial!) or manufacturing in my head - yeah, i do that. I will settle at saying "it is a little bit of both." Anyway i guess it's good that things feel kind of mellow lately, even though there's something off about it. in spite of my urges, i hope it kind of stays mellow for an extended period. i need to have some flat-land in my life for awhile.

last weekend was may's birthday, a bunch of folks were kind enough to come over after work on friday night and celebrate it with her. we had a bunch of food (her cousin brought a ton of shabu shabu, some other friends brought plenty of other stuff, and i fortified the icebox as well). it was nice, and we had fun! I got her a wii for her birthday - se had been incessantly nagging me for it "i want a wiiwiiwiiwiiwii!" ENOUGH ALREADY!! Bahhhwah. But she seems to dig it, she and her friends had a blast with it the following night. That's cool! I think they were onto something when they put that thing together, honestly...

I guess the rest of the weekend melted away. Sunday I worked - no partying this week, though i did catch a comedy show last night down near the west side. I used to be a regular for that stuff, it was weird to be back (but it was cool). I think the best part of the night, for me, was just hanging out in a different part of TOWN. I am spoiled, but i get so sick of being in the same place all the time - I find myself feeling tired/bored of where i live since i just haunt the nearby areas, if i am not at work. so it was nice to stroll into a random bar down that way, after the show last night - get a jolt that there's a whole city built up all around me and just past my boundaries..

I relaxed at home tonight, alone - i feel like i don't do that much anymore (in like.. years). It's either hanging out with my girlfriend, or partying - all the time (and I odn't exactly party very much anymore). I guess all the time i spend by myself is driving to work, taking a shower, or sittin' on the toilet. Sometimes it's nice to just chill out and turn your brain off (awake version) is all i am sayin'.

I have a lot to say, a lot on my mind - but i lose the words for it more and more, lately. i don't know how to describe it, and that frustrates me. i will chaulk that up as an internal problem! mostly it feels kind of useless to satisfy that urge to even "go off" anyway, and to be honest writing in a blog doesn't do much to alleviate things. Not that I want to abandon this, but I feel like I need a different outlet than the ones I have been pursuing. I always have more and more interest in the world around me, but it seems as time passes that there's less time/energy/motivation to investigate that which is not an arm's length away.

By jove - am I becoming boring?