fight the light

hallo hallo. what's up? didn't i wite in this thing very recently? i don't even remember..

things are alright. I am slipping into the phase where "i don't have a job so the hours I keep are all crazy," that means it is 5am and I am up typing in my freakin' blog. should just be asleep like the rest of the world (well, on this coast).

I am okay, stressing a bit lately but I guess my nerves can handle it. my money is officially --all gone-- and that really makes everything more difficult - as usual I am doing the best I can to scrape by, many of my friends have been pithing in to buy me beer and food here and there (for which I am very grateful). It makes me feel like a shitty deadbeat though, and I really hope things will turn around for the better pronto. Hope only goes so far-- anyway applying all over (local) for jobs right now, but it's such a shitty time to be looking for work that i nearly feel like it's useless - though of course, it is NEVER useless!! On the bright side, some things with my "side projects," wichI guess would be considered my "front ad center projects," are developing at an appreciable enough pace that I don't feel utterly pointless and frustrated, in fact it sort of isa weird situation now - I kind of feel apathetic about drifting back into my industry in the same capacity i'd been, in lieu of the "bold new direction." That's a tough path though, but hey - all the damn paths are tough!

Anyway on the bright side of that, and I know I repeat myself - my creative side is working overtime in expressing itself, I am getting a lot of very useful ideas for projects to do under these new developments. If I can swing it, and the timing works out - and a little luck never hurts - then I might find myself in a pretty nice position. But hell, at this point in my life I've learned never to expect such things. Youjust do the best you can and try your hardest to make the odds and ends all match up, keep tabs on everything, and try as best you can to cover your back for when a big chunk of things eventually fall apart anyway..

A crazy lady in the Walgreens started talking to me this afternoon. It was sad and strange - living in Hollywood I gotta say I am not a stranger to such things, but it's unusual enough that I can mention it in my journal, here.. Anyway we talked a little, I could tell she was A. either on something or B. her brain was just generally fried from too many years of already being on PLENTY of somethings. I looked in her eyes, something you generally wanna avoid doing withthe crazy people (but we were both waiting in line, and I was humoring myself) and it was creepy, she just had this dead emptiness.. that spark that most people usually have was pretty long-since glazed over, at least in my unprofessional opinion (though I think anyone who is reading this can probablysurmise where I am coming from). Anyway we didn't get into it, when I was younger I might be more fascniated by the crazies but these days I'd generally prefer to be left alone. I could tell that one time, long ago, she was probably pretty hot back in the day.. I love Hollywood, but it's a gnarly and dreary place to a lot of people..

E3 next week! God, just get it over with.. at least I can eat some bacon-wrapped ghetto dogs...