go on! HIT THAT crack pipe!

you know what, i can't stand the fact that it's very close to midnight already, again.

i feel sometimes like what has become of my life is sort of like a nightmare wrapped in a sesame street napkin and left on a windowsill for stupid birds to peck at. yeah sort of like that. and there's angry bums with bad headaches on the street like 6 or 7 stories below, lining their noggins with silverfoil so as to keep the FBI/Aliens (one and the same) from reading their thoughts.

i can't believe this is my second blog entry today and i didn't even wanna write the other one. it exists purely for displeasure. maybe one day i will get cool and with me, so will it. maybe i just like to see myself write nonsense, in any case. I like it, but you hate it!

My mind has been on a tear lately. not super happy or super pissed, but just kind of "let's do this.. then this.. then this." Lots of things to take care of. I am going with the flow of feeling older and feeling more and more trapped in some stupid prison/plan i force myself into though, and i don't like it any more than the last time i thought of it. it feels stupid to complain about anything when you think "AHHH!!! I can do anything i WANT! I am a white male betwen the ages of 18 and 42, i have a car, a bank account, a credit limit, and no STDs or outstanding warrants (that i am aware of). I can go anywhere do anything see anyone i please.." but the feeling of that freedom is so ludicrously impractical that it's essentially a non-issue. i wonder, are the people in jail the ones who are free, and WE'RE on the other side of the bars? (Not really, but i just wanted to write that). Seriously though, I am sure some people dig it. Huh. Some peopl will be into ANYthing.

I have been plowing through work lately. it's sort of plowing through me as well.. i feel like we two are wrestling, and somehow the ultimate expression of each of us are either perfectly married or forever doomed to failure so long as continue in this awkward and ridiculous embrace (hmm, sounds like just about any relationship anyone has ever been in, doesn't it?) I suppose if the feeling was not there that it could all go horribly, horribly wrong somewhere down the line, then there woudl be no stakes and i would be so bored i'd just find a beach and keep walking up and up and up until (a) i froze and starved and died or (b) arrested, private property, no trespassing or (c) someone saw me wandering aimlessly and pointlessly and presented me with some interesting ponderous conversation and we went off to explore it somewhere, where my joints wouldn't really hurt so bad.

i realize i should probably hop in my car and jet-jet-jet home right now, but the thrill of getting actually home is a little tempered bu the fact that there's more shit to deal with there, and all i really need to do more han anything else is see myself through a few more hours of dedicated productful productiveness (and productive duct-tape) and then i can submit myself to the glorious thrall of temporary death i.e. brief, brief slumber for some scant hours.

damn, i love to have eyes and fingers!! if all else fails, at least as long as i got those things then i know i am alright. i'd make a good potato....