you just make a FOOL out of me

"ron, call me.. call me.. NOW.. I PROMISE I will get you a job, whever you want to work" --> promises, promises. What if I don't want to work anywhere? Better yet, what if I want YOUR job? Nah, I definitely don't want that. How much do vultures get paid to circle carrion anyway? Okay sorry, I am a litle bitter for being awoken from my nearly peaceful slumber. Nearly. Actually I was waking up in a Vegas hotel room with my buddies when the phone rang and the recruiter woke me up and I was back in my stupid Normal Bedroom.

Another weekend has passed. I'm trying to maintain the mental difference between weekdays and weekends, which is a little harder now as my girlfriend is on winter break (that shit happens fast?? I don't recall that being the case when I was a young gun) and now everyday is saturday. As I've complained to about 54 of my friends, I have been meaddeningly turning my apartment upside-down looking for the wretched evil Service Agreement for my fallen Ipod. It's got to be here somewhere! I like to think that I was a little more organizixed than this. Also I have been trying to rebuild my texture library, compiled of years of unevenly numbered shots, on my external HD - not for shits and giggles mind you but 'cause that's the tools of my trade. I seem to have got mostly thru that. On top of that I have been applying to jobs here and there and actualy getting into some talks with a couple diffferent companies about taking that next step. No, no hires yet, but it's getting closer.

I have to say now is where I mention that I am "tired of working..." Which is pretty true. I feel sufficiently burned out. I don't wanna make video games anymore, paint textures anymore, collapse the goddamned Edit Meshes anymore. Send, test, revise, meet, complain, "you can't do that with these restrictions," try again, wash, rinse, repeat. The dream is over! You know what's worse than contemplating getting another job in games or graphics, is getting another job doing anything else. Seriously,the dumb young full of love recruiter calls me up and says "I can get you a job at ANY STUDIO YOU LIKE" dude I don't wanna work anywhere. I think it's my emboldened love of all the miserably loveable losers in history catching up with me. The drug addicts, the hitch hikers, the needless useless drunks, the petty criminals. I wanna ditch everything and be on the lam. At least when that runs out of gas then you are at Game Over, ironically.

Alright so don't worry, the ringing phone interrupted my somber vegas dreaming and charged my batteries up a bit, perhaps a little much. I am actually slipping into "the good work mode" and my environment is in decent shape. Well it's alittle torn up and thrashed but I can tune it out alright. And I guess my right ear feels packed with wax and that's annoying and I have some mysterious gash on my right inner heel but it's only sort of itchy. And my endless toothache seems to have subsided. And I saw a cool concert for free (well, as free as you can get anyway) the other night which was fun.

Ok also I seem to have lost my cellphone (so if you know me, don't bother trying to call me on it). I am not sure how this happened. I have a couple of bars to call and see if they know what's up. (If anyone gets the irony in that almost-joke, then yes, you are cool). I'm a little split on how I feel about this - if I were to HAVE to lose something, voluntarily, a cellphone would be the tops on my list. It's a nice little accoutrement, but it's also one of the Seven Signs of the Devil which can assuredly lead me to nothing but endless unhappiness and terminal ruin, which I am sure of. These days it's kind of a nice thing to have. I guess someday in fifteen years they'll start grafting them into our cortexes anyway, whether we like it or not, so perhaps I should appreciate it while I still have my semi-freedom.

I have tons of pictures to put up from the previous weeks of traveling and debauchery and all of that, but too busy dealing with actual work that needs to be done. I feel guilty even taking 15 minutes to write about this bullshit. But I gotta expend some of the energy somehow before shuttling right back into it.. right..

BTW two week till xmess, to the DAY, huh? That is a little wild? Good, bring it on and get out of 2006 already so we can get further flung into the future and I can have my monogrammed Jumpsuit and Bubble car which turns into a (very very heavy) briefcase. Alright, I need to take shower.