my, it is quiet in here

myspace is pretty dead these days - but i guess it has been for awhile now. everyone who is cool is on facebook!! My girlfriend MADE me get an account there as well (sigh), but honestly - as noted recently, I am rather tired of the online social scene myself. It was novel (and fun) when I was single, sure, and if that was again the case I am sure I'd be more into it. But honestly I just haven't got much time to be surfing around the net these days anyway. It's all business!!

Things are alright. I just passed two months of unemployment. I have most of my middling things taken care of by now, all the little odds and ends that build up in life and seem to sit on the sidelines. Still a couple to handle, I suppose that it will all "never" be leveled out.. Otherwise, life is extremely busy, between meetings and planning and looking towards the future. How do I put this? I feel excited, but it is tempered with stress. I think the naive part of me has finally reached a point where it just wants to say "uncle. ok. just do whatever" and the bitter, jaded part of me sas "noooo! I need you, naive part!" There is usually a very delicate dance between those two, anyway..

My mood is okay, considering the falling-apart sate of the world that you hear in the day-to-day news, I feel like I am keeping a good-enough face. It's hard to ever really get down in Hollywood (contrary to what I have said 1,000 times). Well if it was really true, would I not have left by now? The upside of what's going on (not steady work) is that my social life gets to enjoy some rejuvenation, I am seeing lots of old friends whom I have not been in touch with, for ages.. Usually the topic of discussion is heavily colored by business, but that's what we are about I suppose.

Upsetting dreams last night, dreams about mortality and age - I am feeling older, it's true. I don't like that I am in my mid-thirties and still haven't got to some more established level in my life; at the same time, I acknowledge that I may be somewhat hard on myself, it's one of those "shit, I know kung fu!" things that hits you now and again. Oh if everything were so easy. Anywya in spite of my apparent lack of confidence, I seem to feel strongly that "I know what I am doing, as usual, and it's all according to the plan." I guess I can say more than many, in that regard.

2009 will be an interesting year. It is going to be rough, my head will hurt a lot, and I won't come into much money - likely, less than the previous year, to be honest. But hopefully it's a solid setup for the next few.