i have traveled from the future, to unburden your mind

blogsketeers, how goes it. another late, lonely night for yours truly. as usual, all my bloggsses go neglected of late, with good reasons (i suppose) and i have found myself in possession of a few brief moments, with which I shall enlighten. Truth to be told, i should likely sped the time doing something more productive, but my rags are feeling pretty ragged, if you understand my drift.

Things are alright - life, she is plodding along as per usual. I am tremendously busy - well, to say that feels like an understatement, but you know. I am honestly as busy as I have ever been, work is dominating my mind and life and thoughts, there's certainly good things about that in some ways but it's also bad - really, as usual I am appreciative of my job but by jove, I want my life back a little more! I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper into it, working around the clock with only that stuff on my mind "production - production - production" yields some -- err -- interesting results, of course, but you do forget how to be a human after particularly long sessions of it. As usual, I will wrap it up saying "my choice, this industry" and of course it's still worth the payoff, I love what I do (still.. for real!) but hey, I am ground down.

I have put a lot of other things on the shelf, pretty much across the board. Extracurricular activities, exercise, even HELL partying mostly - though true to form I will dip in and out of that as my rhythm dictates, and though I say I may not have too much of a choice in that matter, I have definitely shredded it down to a shadow of what that used to be (again, probably a good thing, and it's been so long since it was any kind of a regular thing in my life, that it almost feels very foreign to me.. almost!) Still, I manage to do some base things to keep in check (get some kind of sleep, get fed, keep my apartment from turning into a pig stye, spend some quality time with my significant other here and there..) Of course I try to drop in on my friends when I can..

The summer is upon us, in about a month really. As usual, I will slip into cliche and say "time is really flyin' Ma!" and it sure is, and as usual (also) it does bother me.. I get grief from some people "you always complain about that!" But you know, I do feel like it's a valid arguement - in many ways, I feel like I am questioning a lot lately, he values that have been instilled into me, the ideals I hold - the point of this life I have been leading. I am really feeling like work is something of a big waste of time, a lot of running around in circles, throwing the dice in some ways. I spend more and more time paying attention to the little details, maybe that's what's getting me thinking this way - that's a big feature of my personality though, I am a pretty detail-oriented guy in a lot of ways, like it or not I live my life through that prism. I pay attention to the details of where I am in my career, what i have got/stand to get from it, how that all adds up - I always say "well, I can't quit now, I don't know what else to do" and leaving wold be a different kind of pointlessness. I think once I get on some kind of a better streak, get some more leverage in my corner, my confidence will be up and I will feel more like the things I spend time on/decisions I sweat over will actually matter more. Patience, patience is a bitch, right?

The world is all crazy these days. It's always something. The pre-election stuff is quite goofy to watch. Four years ago I had some choice words to say. Now I just feel like it's the Ultimate Reality Show, this whole carnival. Oh well, at least it's not completely stodgy. It's becoming more and more like a sport though (that, or the Reality TV thing, choose your own metaphor). Also all this stuff with Cyclones and Earthquakes - it's permeating the news, but as we are in America, it kind of takes a back seat to things like Iron Man and LV bags, sadly. Or unsadly? Are we better off not dwelling on the macabre - so long as we are not ignoring it? I say, this could be a whole different avenue of philosophy (which I have considered before) which is sort of a self-defense mechanism.. anyway when tragedies happen in this country, I am sure we'll be more sullen about everything, at least for a little while. I am sure it's somewhat the same all over the map, to degrees, really.

Getting back to my work, I want to say that I am pretty proud of the fact that, in spie of my burned-out-state, I still seem to pump it out rather regularly. I am happy with what I produce, I can look at what I have made and feel like I didn't just shoot it out half-assedly. Sure, there's gonna be careless moments here and there, but after all these years (not to many, admittedly) I still take a fair amount of pride in what I do and spread the love in my work. Yeah, that's detrimental in some ways, too..

Half of 2008 still lies ahead. Nothing is really perking up this year for me. I have a couple things, work and personal-life-wise, that are of note - I'll likely move to a different project at some point, I will likely get out of debt shortly, my girlfriend will be out of school VERY shortly, stuff like that - but otherwise, in the grand scheme, there's nothing intimidating, on the positive or negative, on the horizon. No vacations, no big plans, no wild and crazy trips. Just back to back working and waiting for things to even out. Yeah, there'll be some good times in there to keep me smiling.. there's liable to be some pain-in-the-ass bullshit to keep me whinin' --- so life goes. I feel like it's coasting a little now.. well, for the time being.

Oh yeah hey! I got a speeding ticket last night, it's been almost a year and a half since the last one. 80MPH on the freeway at freakin' FOUR in the morning. 55 MPH limit (yeah, no one drives <70) I was so close.. That'll set me back a good two bills. Whatever, we all get nailed for that garbage sometime.