party on!!

whew, yah, time to fill into my neglectef video-gameo-lame-o blog once again. man. i just don't have TIIIIIME to write in this thing anymore. which is a shame since there's lots and lots to say, especially lately.

anyway, first order of business:

My officemates picked this $170 monstrosity up early last week and I would hear them wailing it down the hall while i was trying to work (hence why I have come in to put in some weekend hours, since it's nice and calm and peacefully quite at the moment). But yeah we all knew this would be interesting, for sure. My buddy in Hollywood picked it up as well and we gave it the once-over on Friday night - this game is fun! Not much for Guitar Heroics, I screamed and shrieked into the microphone till my voice was getting hoarse. Our band "Slutty Balls" kicked all kinds of ass. I can't wait to play some more! Drums looks fun also, I tried for a moment but thrown in mid-game with no warm-up and I completely fell apart. I can think fo some design choices (Simon Says-inspired) which might make that a little easier to swallow. Rock Band - party game of the year!

We went to some Neversoft friends' place for Turkey Day and powered up with the Wii. I have to say I have not really touched/seen a Wii (hold those jokes please.. aww) for just about a year. We were messing around with Mario Galaxy, a good looking, likeable-seeming game. It struck me how simple, easy the graphics are. They come across as solid, but that stuff is like .. BABY solid. I could whip out some levels for a product like that in no time flat. They are pretty long on details. It works though. I will always speak in favor of style. Also played some Wario's Woods (NES Flavor) on the Virtual Console. Never played it before, though the game (SNES version) has sat on my shelf for at least a year and change. Weird game.. it's got much praise. I can't say I enjoy it yet, but I will give it some time to grow on me (it's got a notable pedigree).

My Xbox 360 is sitting boxed up in a pile beside me. This sucks!! I had the thing running for barely 3 weeks with nearly no play on it.. all demos, really. I have to say, the demos have been great, for the most part - completely worth the investment. I could just kick back and play Geometry Wars, Lumines, Pacman CE, etc. At least! Hell the Skate demo was terrific, even the new Tony Hawk demo (in spite of popular opinion) is well worth it, I would say. Now.. ASIDE from demos.. I took home the office copy of the much-lauded Bioshock, and checked that thing out for a couple of hours. 1st time since I have had a 360 that I have truly played a game from a disc that wasn't a demo or a.. Yaris (don't get me started. GOTYaris!). But yeah. I got a little ways in. I was looking for Telekenesis.. however you spell it. Then BLAM the thing just froze up.. what.. whatever. Reboot. Play again and five minutes in FREEZE-UP AGAIN!!! This is bullshit now. Okay, reboot. Uhm. Reboot? Please? Where is the picture? Is my switchbox f'd? I plug directly into the side of the TV. I am hearing the normal boot audio for the system.. but no video. NO SIGNAL. NO SIGNAL. You wasted your money, lame-ass. Screw you, TV, I say. I pakced up the system and brought to the office with me on Monday. Tried different cables. Nothing. So it's dead. I got a 1-year warranty through the reseller. I come in and wait in line "we ain't got any replacements, too bad it's almost XMastime! Come back tomorrow" Yeah so I come back tomorrow "Come back next week, we got nuthin' for ya" So I come back (well, call) "We got nuthin' till middle of NEXT WEEK." Screw you guys. No, really.. Actually, screw me. I should have known better. You get what you pay for, and M$ already has their reputation stable-360-wise. That was ridiculous. Anyway, hopefully I will have a new working one beofre the New Year. Hopefully they will let me transfer over my Live account without any more migraines. Yes, now I am just bitching endlessly, but why shouldn't I? They charge hundreds of dollars for this stuff, and then I gotta run all over the place for it to just do what it is supposed to anyway? Well. like I said.. not a huge surprise. Yeah, well, I look forward to someday seeing more of Bioshock, that much I will say. For now.

crack is the best when you smell like it

hello Demon World Of Deathly Bloggings. Welcome back to the insanitarium whenceforth my dark stupid mind wanders. Watch out or the flying clocks or burning geese will melt all over you.. make you fight.

It's sunday night (err monday morning, as of four minutes ago I suppose). Sitting and catching up a little with my neglected-of-late blogs. I use that term (or similar) quite a lot lately, as i don't seem to be so slavishly involved with writing in here anymore. Well - i get tired of it from time to time, and like anything, it's good to back off and get away from it for awhile. Let things refresh. Or something.

Things are alright. It's late in the year, as I always mention "time is going by too fast.." I can't believe thanksgiving 2007 is merely a few days away. Well that's cool and all, i guess. Growing up, Turkey Day always felt like my favorite holiday (well, nearly!) Yeah okay the one with the gifts was still better, but Thanksgiving was always great because it signaled the beginning of that time of the year, when I could look forward to getting new stuff - and also the time off from school, the kind of exciting energy of it being winter and all that involved (when you're a young stupid kid, the snow and cold is more exciting than annoying). Yeah, it was a cool time. The smells of what Mom was cooking in the kitchen filled the house. There was a weird, busy energy, but always happy. And now, of course, I'm all grown up, Thanksgiving is becoming more and more "just another holiday" and for guys like me, every holiday is really about a day or two off of work where I can hopefully sleep in a little late, and maybe get together with some friends to have some drinks or something, and some... nachos.. (yes, they are multi-holiday functional). I do miss the excitement of holidays from being a kid, to whatever capacity.. Anyway, I am happy to cruise on through to the end of this year, and I am sketchy about what it will all mean (this happens to me a lot, in recent years.. SEVERAL recent years!) As more time passes I don't like to think about it, more than necessary - it's just a fact of life, this unstable one I lead. I want to make smart decisions to hold onto what I have, but of course - not at the expense of possibilities. Yeah, so I am fickle "Oh I want this! I want that! No, opposite!" Damn.. The whirlwind of drama loves to have it's way with me. Anyway I don't really feel like going into what's up right now. Anyone who knows me generally hears things come out of my mouth and what implications those things might mean. So that being said, I guess, it is business as usual.

Picked up some tickets to fly back to Boston for New Year's. It will be strange, we'll actually be flying outta LA the day after Xmas (hey, listen, Jews don't celebrate Xmas alright? We get Chinese Buffet and then go to the Cineplex). I'll bum around town and see my friends and family for a few days and then head back to the West Coast on the first (gotta be back in the office January 2). Noteworthy that this time I will be bringing my beautiful girlfriend with me, she's never been to Boston before. neither has she met most of my friends from back East, nor my folks. Also she's not really been exposed to shitty freezing snowy weather too much either. So yeah, um, this will be an interesting trip I bet..!

I have been really busy at work. Really REALLY busy. Last week was the first week in some time that the load lifted, at least a bit (well... I didn't close the office at all or work last weekend). So it's been a little lighter on my conscience. Things have still been weighing heavily on my mind notwithstanding.. work's got some weirdness to deal with these days, socially some other things have been weird. I have been kinda depressed, and feeling generally stupid for feeling that way. Nothing I cannot handle, anyway. I spent some time with the lady this weekend, we went out to see the new Beowulf movie last night. She hadda drag me to it (I had no interest in it, really) but I ended up enjoying it for what it was. Did not realize that it was another fully CG movie (they did tons of mocap, so it's not necessarily "straight CG" if that makes sense). But yeah I was impressed, they are getting far more photorealistic by leaps and bounds. Nerdy to talk about, but relevant to consider (hey, it is my line of work, relatively). Someday in a "few years" games will be there too..

Also May cooked a nice tasty lo-carb dinner (did i just say "lo-carb?") for me last night, which was awesome.. BIG POINTS! Man, i live to get fed.

I have to mention,, i snagged this game "Bioshock"from work to mess around with this weekend, one of the highest-rated titles released this year. I played it last night for a couple of hours, then booted it up again tonight.. and.. MAN. Okay I got the Xbox 360 maybe 3 weeks ago, and granted - it's refurbished - but HELL, when I ran it tonight, it crased on me. twice. Just fing froze. After the 2nd crash, I could not get video to output. Thinking it was the connection, I plugged into a different video input. Nothing (audio coming through fine though). I skipped the switchbox altogether and plugged straight into the TV. Nothing. Nothing! Dammit, I just BOUGHT the thing! So glad i got a warranty with it. That thing is going back tomorrow. I joked it would die nearly immediately, but i didn't think it would be this terrible. What a travesty, how can they manufacture such a faulty error-ridden piece of garbage? It's one thing if the thing is cheap or "off-brand" but come on. Anyway enough has been said in the media about this stuff so I won't do any good to add fuel to the fire, but I do wanna say this - it is our fault as consumers to put up with this shoddy workmanship en masse. I mean - people buy expensive things (ahem, ipod) all the time which die after like a year or two of service. granted it's new tech but still it's a couple hundred dollars you've invested. Just WORK. Just WORK RIGHT. Just test the thing in the first place. Charge an extra 15 bucks. I don't care. F this. I look forward to getting a PS3, at least I expect that thing to hold up for a few years.

A lot of stuff on my mind lately.. as usual. My philosophy is a little tired these days. I am trying to batten down the hatches and not think too much. Just do my job and try to have good times with those I care about. I have been partying a bit (not too bad) but that's me, I dip in and out - it is in my nature. It feels largely useless in my life lately though. i can't really completely turn it off (don't want to, it's still a part of what I am) but the fun times of letting loose feel dead and buried. For the better, I guess i must say. makes me sad to say it, always.

I feel stranger as I get older, and somehow, upset by some tings I realize. I am stuck in this weird pattern, I will never feel like i have really bridged the gap between "man" and "child" in so many ways, like I always thought one would naturally feel. I know stuff, i have been places, I have experienced good and bad things.. but i still feel stunted, running in circles, trapped in a bizarre limbo of uninteresting non-progress. My childhood hobby has solidified as becoming the center-point of my career, in so doing it's robbed me of a hobby in some ways. Makes me feel like i am always forever indulging that childish urge, and surrounded completely by others who do the same and are more (foolishly?) wrapped up in it than i.. or maybe I am taking it too seriously (nah!) In the background I have accomplished things, i've a good salary but can never seem to get my shit together to be worth anything beyond some words on paper, and whatever my age and location would represent in general. I feel like I haven't gt much to show for what I have traversed, except maybe some increasing girth in the stomach area as a decent sign that my metabolism has finally coasted into cruise control.

I want to be hard on myself but I know I work hard, I try hard, I am not lazy, and I acknowledge my limits. So I am either too hard on myself or too narcissistic. Heh. just like everybody. Maybe I just don't wanna face the truth (just like everybody).

Last monday night by buddy MVG had a showing of a documentary that he produced/shot/narrated/wrote/edited/etc (you get the picture). I've mentioned it before, I saw a rough cut of his film maybe a half-year ago. Well it's finally wrapped up (as wrapped as it'll get) and he rented out a small local theater (yeah, in Hollywood) for a night to have a show. I have to say - I was impressed! Very impressed! It made my heart soar when I rolled up to the theater for the show, and saw a line wrapping around the building with BORN HYE on the marquee banner. It was pretty packed, I almost did not get a seat! Anyway, the show went off wonderfully. I mean - they shot it on a handcam, it's not like they had crazy expensive film and lighting and all of that - but the thing reeked of charm, it was fun to watch and superbly put-together. It's been in the oven for years, and it's very gratifying (even merely as his friend) to see the conclusion it's come to. Of course I don't know what is the result of a one-night screening, and likely there's much more work ahead. but hey - thing is DONE, they made a great film. I am very proud and eager to see what happens next.

i+don’t+wanna+hear+about+nothin’

yes, i know, i just wrote that it is july. it is FAR, FAR from July.. but for some reason, after I got my hand started 3/4 of the way thru typing it, i said ah hell, shucks, i will let it slip in, if only to properly illustrate the condition of my mental state.

late nights at work these days, as my life so often goes i tend to swing in and out of these things...i have about 20 minutes right now to sit and chill out while the lighting bakes, and so i thought i would grace my of-late-neglected blog with a little attention.. here you go. anyway, yeah, things are alright. i am working a lot. late nights last week, the week before that, and i was in this past sunday as well. it's groovy though, i will be handsomely paid when this project is finished, in fact I have started spending my future megabucks in advance. if you happen to know me and we are good friends, then send a note and maybe i will buy you a caddy, a supra or a new HDTV. It seriously depends on my whim, you see.


All kidding aside, money is probably the big thing sticking in my craw these days (do i have a craw? what does one look like?) but anybody can complain about that stuff so i will (largely) leave it up to everybody else. i will say this, however.. today the notion of taking an actual vacation to a far-off place (like, say, europe) for any brief period of time popped into my head. someone at work mentioned their recent trip to switzerland, and a light bulb went off "hey, i went to switzerland.. nearly EIGHT YEARS AGO!!!" Yeah so i have had a moment here or there of trips, since, but largely not. in fact, as my friend and i were recently bemoaning, the lion's share of my trips are back to the place I came from. So, yeah, it would be cool to go someplace different and exotic (once again) for a change. It sounds luxurious, but it really doesn't HAVE to be (it depends if you really must travel as a rich american tourist, you know). Me, I am fine roaming through the sketchy parts of some random run-down debris-laden city with hulking, frightening characters tracking my every move. okay, maybe not that extreme. but i do think it would be fun to chill out in a random pub in ireland or something. yeah, that sounds pretty fun.

there was a time when i would fantasize about flying around the country (or the world) in short stints to just party, sightsee, whatever. no, it's not my life, and it really likely won't be. the biggest issue (besides money) that I see is that I am past my prime for all of that! I am not old yet, not really, but I am old enough to know better. if i was 10 years younger than i guess things would be different. but then..

well..

i have been working for ten years. in that whole time, unstable as my career may have been, my mantra has basically been "keep working. build up, all of it... resume, experience, contacts, money (if at all possible)" And so yeah I have been doing that steadily, dodging bullets as best I could, but now I look back as i slowly approach my mid-thirties and realize "yeah, it's good to work hard, have a career, have these goals.. but is my goal just to keep doing THAT?" I know I have gone on, at length, on this sort of topic in recent entries in here. Because as I get older I realize that - honestly - I do have a good life, there's a lot to be appreciative of. But it's just not satisfying me. It's not the life I want. I remember when I was young and idyllic (and well, naive, clueless). I had this powerful drive though, and though I was still kinda skittish I guess, I would always find ways to throw myself into (ultimately) more interesting situations. Maybe not the best choices all the time, but certainly a few big ones which have led me to having a rather interesting (in a good way) life. But now a few years of those results have rolled over, and I am feeling like it's just a recycle of the same old routine. Same pressures, same complaints. Good times of course but the world is rich and full of variety, and I really feel painted into a corner these days. These years!

I don't write in here just to whine, I do it because I like to look back at "what I was thinking about, back then." I want to look back at this entry some day and feel like it was leading me down some path back to finding what it was I would want from my life.

yeah, i am just in a bitter mood, it's crunch time at work and my list of things to fix seems never to get any shorter no matter how much i pond on it. is it any wonder i am craving a vacation!! if it was up to me i would be partying at cinespace in 1 hr...

return to the garden of your nightmares

well, got my xbox live account activated, the router didn't die (am-aaaaa-zing) and better yet, as of this writing, my apartment hasn't caught fire due to the hazardous layout of cables smershed behind my television (could have happened, since I am not home yet I don't know about it). Seriously. I have my doubts about this whole "power brick" thing, and to say it was perniciously placed would be putting it modestly. I am having flashbacks to being 10 years old and watching that episode of "Webster" where their apartment burns down. That one did a number on my soft innocent little mind..

but i digress..

anyway if you want to add me, or some such, to your (appropriately-named) "friend list" for Xbox live, go for it, my handle is ralp99. I can't say that i expect to be a good videogame-friend, since i will likely only pick up cheap/obscure/older games (as is my wont), but hey, maybe we can chat or cyber or something. that'd be hot.

Knowing the potential of Xbox live, and then seeing it with one's own eyes, it is something to behold. Sure I have seen the layout of all that crap before, and I am no stranger to the internet of course (da-da-DUMMMmmm) but knowing it and actually HAVING IT hooked up to your own television where the business takes place is a little bit of a jolt. I must say it's a kick to look at all the insta-available movie titles I could oh-so-readily download at a button's press to view on my Deluxe Entertainment Home Media Centre Theater, mind you DLing and watching crap is nothing new to me (hey i ain't no noob) but with the PS2 Media Thingie it's usually a bit of a song and dance involved, and it is all oh-so-dubious to say the least - that is if the damned DIVX file is encoded properly and doesn't skip all over the place (or just crash out). I am being a little heavy handed, the PS2 solution was super rad for the years I have had it (and yes, it's fun to nerd-out with that stuff) but i will happily move into the future with the rest of you for a less accident-prone solution. In the meantime, I haven't exactly unhooked the PS2 device from my setup ('cause we all know that it's a matter of time until the damned 360 RROD's anyway. So much for accident-proofing). Yeah I am not kidding. I have no faith in that piece 'a crap. It's nice and I hope it lasts me (at least) a year, if I am lucky. But damn those things get hot, as mentioned in the previous entry. I fully expect it nothing short of China Syndrome with this baby. You'll see. You'll ALL SEE.

Xbox demos, the reason I bought this damn thing really, this is definitely sizing up to feeling worth my investment. I don't have time/inclination/attention span to play through whole games as it is, and shelling out a paltry couple bucks for live to get virtually unlimited access to 2 zillion demos is a Hog's Dream Come True. I knew it would be pretty good but this is even more impressive than I would've expected (pessimist that I am). Most likely all who read this are jaded, by now, but I for one am very appreciative of this service they've provided. Free shit. FREE. Did you hear that? It's FREE. Yeah "late to the party" and all of that, but the fact is it's remarkable how (relatively) well-organized all the game demos are, and the fact that they all stay up there! It's like this crazy virtual library, and all you have to do is shuffle some space, and be patient for stuff to come down the pipe. Suddenly I am realizing that 20 GB is just not enough space.. but then, they have it all up on their servers permanently (-enough) that it's inconvenient but not anywhere near awful. That's great. I'll probably tool around with most of these demos the same amount as I have with whole games I have actually bought in the past few years.

Mind you, I am definitely far from "the typical player" for a good few reasons.. but this all fits the bill rather nicely. So long as my house doesn't burn down.

Anyway I DLd about 7-10 demos today and fooled around with a couple so far (Superman Returns, Stranglehold). When work lays off a little I'll put in a little time for some lovin'. More ot come...

so.. i have Jumped In

sigh, that's right, i finally sold out and bought a &*^#@*(&$^ 360. it only took me two years to catch up with the rest of the Modern World of Gaming. I picked it up last night at the Microcenter up the street from my office, forked over my $230 (it's a refurbished unit) and they handed me a deck with 20GB HD, headset (won't be using that one too much), wireless controller (nice touch) and all the necessary cables and doodads to plug the thing into the Internowhere. All wrapped up nice and tight in a mostly-unmarked, unassuming brown box-shaped box. Fresh from a coffin, I am sure. I fought (valiantly) with the jungle of wires and dead crickets behind my Low Defiition Television and Entertainment Unit to hook the thing into the tangly nightmare, turned it on and stuck in a copy of Tony Hawk 2007 Ex-travaganza to make sure it ran. Sure enough, she lit up and ran like a charm, and sure enough there was a problem (the "wireless connect" button on the faceplate was busted). I got in there with a pen and finagled it. Haven't got on Live yet (I won an auction for a membership, waiting patiently for them to email it over to me.. tap, tap, tap) so until then I will leave the thing resting idly in the "off" position 'neath my TV. Sadly, I tried to put the unit into one of the close-able areas of the cabinet, though I noted that the thing gets HOTTTTT when it's on for more than 14 seconds... and so it must sit out front, proudly displaying it's ugly, ugly design for all who enter my living room to gawk at in disgust. Have I mentioned how unattractive I think the unit is?

Anyway, it detected the network connection through my router (and my internet connection from my PC seems to be working at the moment, obviously) so I am happy to report that stuff is all set up. I am sure the unit will fail (crappy odds) sometime in the next 3-6 months.. hopefully before my 1-Yr warranty expires. Let's see.

After I get on Live I will start plodding through to see what demos I can get my hands on.. the main point of my purchasing this thing. Stay tuned.

how to get tougher

yeeesh well damn i think it's been getting on a long time since i have written in here.. just not much time for it lately, honestly. work is super busy and all of that (blah blah), besides I feel like I have not had too much to say. But it's good to drop in and make some notes now and again, so here we go, then...

Things are alright - basically life is not bad. Everything is really status quo, all considered. The usual stablilities and instabilities, sometimes I let them drive me nuts, sometimes I just let it flow past me. I guess work has been in somewhat of a crunch mode lately and that's really been the driving thing, but it's been sort of zoning in and out of that for some time now. I have been with this studio for 6+ months, it's a good place (and it has grown on me) and.. well as usual, I wonder how long it will last, for all the usual reasons. In the meantime, like anyone else of my caliber and character, I will continue to work hard and try my best. And of course we will see what it all leads to. Hmm, mysterious...

Social life has been pretty mellow overall, of late - poking my head out now and again, but really (for me) it's been on ice. I had a friend visit from out of town a couple of weekends ago, which was cool - my old roomate from college. Of course I had to give him the whizbang quick-ass mini Los Angeles tour, or cross-section of Ron's Life in a Nutshell.. so I dragged him out to some local dives, we stopped by the Getty Museum (I figured he would dig it), of course we had to hit the tragedy known as Venice Beach. He was in and out in a flash, and it was sad to see him go so suddenly but I appreciated the short time we got to hang out always nice to see some folks from "my old life!"

Crunching at work before and after that.. just after, a friend of mine had accepted a job in Austin so I took him and his wife out for a farewell dinner. Always sad to see people leave but at the same time, gotta admit I am a little envious (the notion of exploring a whole different environment at this point is tempting to say the least!) I dropped off some see dee's to a fried later that night ('round midnight) and his wife and her frieds convinced me to go partyin' with them. Yeah, i was tired. Yeah, I felt like ass. But damn. it was a Tuesday night and I'd not been to the Club in soo long. We went in (probably for about 45 min) and it was super-quick and pretty cheesy, but damn it i had fun.

Then lessee.. I guess last weekend the sox was on and so i met my buddy at the sports bar up the street. the game was lame and boring (well, it was cool because we were winning but dull cause there was no action or tension!) and eventually we found our way to some random-ass halloween party downtown, all old-style (as in, like when I used to find myself ending up in crazy places for no good goddamn reason, but who cares and it's a blast anyway). Got home late (6am I hit the hay!) and sunday we watced the red sox win the World Series.. again. Which, again, is cool but.. nah, not interesting/invigorating at all, unlike when it happened in 2004. Granted, it's hard to compare the two, but there's something about that team -- not that I am what you'd call a baseball aficionado - - but generally, every year they'd really work their asses off and get quite close. so close you could SMELL it (yes I said it, smell the asses..) but no matter what, you could always count on them pooping out rather spectacularly. Ad so it went, you could set your watch by it. but every year they'd keep trying, really really hard, and you'd think "maybe.. just maybe." And then it finally did cinch, after what was literally a lifetime to ANYBODY. And now, when they play, and win "oh so effortlessly," it just seems sort of.. I dunno, anticlimactic. Not even a relief, just kind of.. well, it doesn't really matter, it's just baseball (oh god, I hope my father isn't reading this, or I am out of the will!) I guess maybe I would be singing a different tune if the circumstances played out kind of differently. If they didn't completely slaughter the bejeezus out of their opponents, ruthlessly and uncharacteristically. Alright. Well I have written about sports enough, by now...

This week, then, no big deal. Working, working.. fixing up crap, trying to make things all purty. Work's taking a little of the wind out of my sails, I'd love to get into it but there's reasons I shouldn't. Sometimes I feel a little crazy and wonder how much of it is in my head.. then I reflect on my history and it makes me feel better (and worse). But hey, that is how it all goes. anyway it is mine and I signed up for this stuff, come what may.

Wanted to go out tuesday night (yeah, so it sounds like i am falling back into a pattern) especially after having fun the previous tuesday, but I didn't get outta the office until close to midnight (and then the 45 min drive home). that's just as well though. Last night was Halloween, my girlfriend actually had a little tiny get together at her pad in Orange County so I spent the night down at that place. It was alright... very tiny, though it was packed for what it was. I am not used to it, partying with a bunch of people (that i don't know) who are not really into drinking at all, heh heh.. it was surreal. But it was nice, nothing bad happened - those who know me halfway-well know that i have a pavlovian pre-conditioning to fear halloween, that is - crappy things typically hapen to me around this time of the year, and the last several years, it's been nearly without fail! I am not one of those superstitious "for real" people, of course, but you know how it is.. heh heh.

So here I am now, and it's the home stretch for 2007. At last! Thanksgiving will be upon us in a few short weeks, and then of course, Xmas and the end of the year. Good, well, let's wrap this one up already, shall we?

bees aight

hello bloggerlads and bloggina lasses. yes i have been neglectful of my game-industry-blogging duties, lately. again. This is what happens when real life (well, real work life) breathes down one's neck.. still i had ought to make a more dedicated effort to maintain this thing in a better fashion than merely once a week! Well, keep checking back to see whether or not i am a liar..

lots of news in the games industry lately, if also sort of quiet. As the xmas season dutifully approaches, the giants descend with their high-profile software releases continuously, and uncle sam (and auntie japan) continue to reap the rewards. So then, Super Mario Galaxy is less than a world away (I've seen the demo at EB) just in time to celebrate the Wii's one-year anniversary party. Ratchet and Clank do the same likewise for Playstation, finally giving a good reason (although a familiar one) to actually want to own one over a 360. Of course, Guitar Hero III finally rears it's ugly metal head, merely weeks after it's brother title Tony Hawk Ninety-Three (yeah, say what you want, but cheers to those guys for getting such major releases out the door nearly simultaneously!) Rock Band, on the other hand, I am not sure of it's date but it'll likely be soon.. Surprisingly, I have just learned that Wii Fit is not releasing on these shores in time for Xmas, and I sense many fat gamers are (not really) groaning, though the game's publisher will have a little to be sorry for as a result (yes.. just a little. Don't feel too bad for them). I am a little out of the loop - what the heck is out for DS, besides Zelda Phantom Hourglass? And what, pray tell, for the shiny new PSP 2000 or whatever they are calling that thing? (I want to get my hands on one and see if it's as gross-feeling to hold as it's predecessor) Yeah I am a little guilty for not paying attention, but is it my fault or is it because there's just actually not much to DEMAND my attention, rather..

The Simpsons game has released from EA. Say what you will, and I am sure you will, but I like the directions being put forth by "the New EA." No, I still don't wanna work there, but you have to hand it to them, they have been putting out some noteworthy quality titles of late. Skate, of course, comes to mind.. and I've already mentioned Rock Band.. never mind their always-competent sports lineup/onslaught. They get a lot of gripes but EA is making some good moves. Now I wanna see them release a console (3DEA0!) and truly disturb the crap outta the industry. Oh, and while I am on topic, I heard they laid off after their shareholders weren't too brilliantly happy with the mega-expensive buyout of Pandemic/Bioware. boo. I take back all the nice things I said.

Not much to report on my own game front. I am still waiting to reflash my Game Boy card.. it never feels too imperative, though I should get to it shortly. I think there's a decent colecovision emulator I could put on there too, that would be fun. Hrmph, I need to make a list of things to squeeze in there.. Anyway I sat down on the couch and played some games last night. Latest acquisition is Burnout #2, I think it's about 4 years old - xbox title. It's not aged too terribly well, but I remember my friends being into it a few years ago and it caught my eye so I snagged it. yeah, kinda renderware ugly, but a nice groovy little game.. I am no stranger to what it's story is, but getting my hands on it I can appreciate what it's worth. This is what I am usually preaching, makes games that don't necessarily emulate what you do in real life! Driving is certainly enjoyale in the day-to-day, and racing games with tricked-out wheels are always fun (well.. fun-ish) but these days they're really a dime a dozen. But now who DOESN'T fantasize about car accidents? Okay well, maybe most folks don't but honestly I do. And a game about setting up huge destructive car accidents is just what the doctor ordered, I gotta say. Now, this title doesn't really do muchmore than hint at the possibilities, as it is.. and I suspect the new generation of Burnout titles is still gonna remain pretty tame as compared to what it could ultimately transmogrify into - but that's a game I would line up to buy, if and when they unlock it's potential. That's genius.

I plugged in Strider 2 for PSX, I mention it now and again in this blog - I still hae yet to play through it, as it's a clumsy and somewhat boring game. But oh, the style.. talk about your potential! Why Capcom sits on properties like this, I will never know. It's dripping with love and excitement, and I am sure it's sitting there waiting to get picked up down the road. Screw Bionic Commando, we need more Strider! I play this game, and I know it's something of the sort I would love to be a part of, development-wise. Ah well, stranger things have happened I suppose.

Also sitting in my shelf is Gunner's Heaven, as mentioned previously likewise - and also likewise, not much playtime had been given to it yet. I guess I made it a level or two in last night, and I have to say that even i am astonished to the degree in which they directly ripped off Gunstar Heroes.. bu, that's cool! RIP OFF GUNSTAR HEROES!! If there's a freakin' game which needs to be shamelessly, brutally ripped off. Yeah, they lose points for originality, but they show that thy have good taste.. I hae some problems with the title, even so.. some charaters (namely the player sprites) are bland/boring/dullsville, and a lot of the general design is uninspired and blase'. Not that it's bad, by a long shot, but considering the hardware (and what's been done with less) it's just kind of a waste of time in the aesthetic department. Likewise the soundtrack
, from what I have heard, is essentially turn-off-able. Again, not quite offensive, but such a letdown when you consider what could (should) be there in it's place. But that stuff is forgivable - the cardinal sin here is the omission of a 2-player simultaneous mode. Come on! How much harder is it to implement? Even if it would cheese the design a little, games like this (Contra-style) are made for two people to enjoy together. Sigh. Maybe there's a hidden mode buried in there somewhere.. who knows. Ah well, it sucks but not enough to take away from the coolness that is this game's very existence, at all. I don't regret picking it up.

I have laid off on my other two planned PSX acquisitions, maybe when the prices fall some more..

shutdown the reuptake inhibitor

what's up videogame industry insider need-to-know-er's, what is shakin' in all y'all boots. God, I hate typing stuff like that. Neglect abounds in this section of the blogosphere lately, but it's alright because I am getting slammed with work lately. Wish I could write about the details, I will have to save it for my futuristic memoirs. I will just write about things that happened in previous jobs that I have held in years past. To my imaginary alter-ego. There, have I covered enough bases yet?

Our studio released a new NWN expansion recently, it is getting reviewed well - that's good news! My old studio released their new skateboarding game last week, it's getting crummy reviews from the big sites (err the jaded sites) but overall on gamerankings they're staying formidable. That, my friends, is the difference between the whiny few and the wallets of the hungry. I wonder how they will sell this season, anyway.. "it's up to the gods of merchandising, really.."

Quiet news in gameland recently, overall. Nothing terribly hectic, just a little fallout here and there as the industry gears up to dump loads of big-deal software out the door for the fierce wave of seasonal releases. We got the primers out the door already (Metroid 3, Halo 3, ahem) and the Wii barrage is under way shortly (though, no smash bros' brawl... boo!). Sony's kinda blown thier load a little early, though they needed to pump something out to the hungry masses (and nothing that's worth mentioning anymore than has been said). Ratchet and Clank is out the door I guess, which should make people happy enough - I believe Uncharted is due to hit the shelves shortly as well. But, yeah, short of Wii, nothing seems to be too spectacular on the fronts. Maybe I have let my attentions wander, though.

Bionic Commando announcement, hmm? Something of the sort has been on a lot of people's minds, and it's interesting to see this title pop up outta nowhere. I give them the benefit of the doubt, it could be a cool little "freak game" from some up and coming devs - we'll see. Most are skeptical about this, though I maintain that the style is growing on me. Honestly, more than anything else it REALLY makes me wanna head home and plug in the old NES adventure for a rush of nostalgia. I never beat that thing (halfway I guess), and that was actually the original GB version. Yeah, for shame, I know... So what's next, Section Z?

Not much else to report. Everyone is loving Portal. Maybe even I should look at the thing. I am waiting anxiously to see how Wii holds up (hardware-wise) for Xmas, supposedly sales are slowing down in Japan at last. We'll see. Nintendo's still dominating across their two platforms, fiercely - I see some interesting stuff going over on their Virtual Console service as well. Interesting, interesting times..

sell out!

Strange times indeed. This console generation is a constant flow of "what the hell, where did THAT come from?" madness left and right out of the great blue yonder. At this point, what the future holds in anyone's guess. I feel bad for those whose jobs it is to survey the landscape of this business, and try to make bold predictions of what the holiday seasons will be like. In recent weeks, we've seen Activision buy up PGR developer Bizarre Creations from under Microsoft's "nose," for an undisclosed sum - though I am sure it was a bit expensive. Note that they have JUST released the 4th iteration of that series. Likewise, the mammoth Halo 3 has just been out (it's been not even a month, I believe!) and the cement's not even set when it's announced that their developer (Bungie), a studio whose name is more-or-less synonomous with "Xbox First Party," is going back to independant (again, for who knows how much money). Between those two annoncements, it's been so dusty I can't recall which was first! The other week, Sony snatched up UK-based developer Evolution Studios, who produced their Motorstorm game for PS3 (and regardless of what the critics say, remains one of the most popular titles for the suffering console, sales and otherwise). 32 Million. That's a lot of moolah... though when you realize it costs around half of that to develop a title anyway, then it doesn't sound so ridiculous. Also considering that Sony gets the tech and all of that with the deal, it beings to make a bit more sense. Sure, not as crazy and groundbreaking as either of the two preceding news items, but certainly eyebrow-raising.

And then the big double-whammy of this all went down a couple of days ago, mega-congolomerate EA added several more heads to it's Game Development Hydra with the Elevation purchase (Noted/Successful developer-partners, Bioware and Pandemic). 860 million clams. That's so much money that I can't even fathom what that means. How many Aircraft Carriers is that worth? How many Third World Countries could it feed? None, 'cause it's all getting shuttled back into making more FPS and Sims titles, apparently. I am not sure how many teams of development that adds up to (just the ones being absorbed, never mind how large the EA ranks were to begin with). Good? Bad? I say bad - though I wouldn't be saying that if I were working for one of those studios, not this moment. Actually I would likely be strolling across the street to check out which Lamborghini I would like to pick up.

Anyway you hear about stuff like this, and you consider what companies have "sold out" and which haven't, and why. You take a place like Insomniac - technically, an indie studio, but for all intents and purposes they are Sony 1st party at this point. Heh - do they NEED to get beneath that umbrella? They've got their name solid, they can make "games they want to make," pretty much (or, can they? I notice they've churned out plenty of sequels, regularly). I am curious if Naughty Dog has got the same situation (and also, what that matters). I have worked at several studios, all with their own unique relationships with their respective publishers. I have had the "if we work hard, we could get bought" carrot dangled in front of my face before. Likewise I have had the "we have a publisher who owns us, and so we are stable enough to last through the 'hard times...'" Both circumstances have worked out unfavorably for me, if you get what I am saying. Does it matter? Should I be happy or sad that I've no stake in anything, that no matter where I am employed, I am only tied to the whim of Fate?

Well.. it has been several years now. My judgement's a little skewed, and I can say this much, it's not "just about the money.." it's about the stability, the environment, the project. Getting along with your team, working with an engine that you can co-exist with. Loving the minute details of everything your hand touches. But, it's also about balance. Business savvy.. getting along politically, and having some foresight when weird times like this happen, and being able to look down the road to see what's next and where you will be when the dust settles..

Anyway, I can speak in vagueries about this all day, but those like me know my point. We look at these mega-sales where retarded amounts of money are thrown around with seemingly incredible disregard, and we nuts and bolts of these machines look up and cry out "mine, mine!" And we wonder when we'll be able to understand the perspective of those money-tossers. Or, if we would really want to.

Alright. It's Sunday afternoon, I have work to do. I work for an independant.

clearly, i have a distaste for typing titles.

all is quiet on the front. busy with work and feeling a bit rusty with regard to my muse, so i think i will rifle out a few pieces of my own during the mellower period. i am happy withthe latest level i have spat out at work, anyway.

not much game news, i am still wanting to pick up a next-gen system, (does 360 count as that anymore, given that it's going on a couple years of age at this point?) PS3 is always (slowwwwly) looking more desirable, though obviously it's got a year or so before it can genuinely ratchet up a full notch.. 360 still looks appropriate enough, but yes, I need to sit on my bills for the time being, so no new toys for me. Which is fine, since all the titles I REALLY want are from PS1 period anyway.

Bought some new doorknobs for my apartment this weekend, which meant that I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Orchard Supply Hardware, conveniently located right next to Gamestop. Not a regular haunt of mine, but I'll poke around if I am actually hoofin' around the neighborhood and see what goodies I can pick up on the cheap. Yesterday's score was PS2 Gungrave, a title I recall seeing years ago at E3 (alongside Shinobi and.. Jet Set Radio? Was it that long ago??? Well maybe it was the following year...) Regardless, I remembered hearing less-than-impressive reviews of the game, if only in passing, but it's certainly stylish enough to warrant a look when it pops up in the bargain bin. I forked over my eight bucks and took it home, and tonight put in a session with it. Good game! I can see why it would't go over well with the mainstream, as it is kind of the videogame equivalent of a migraine in some ways.. conctant blaring gunfire, constant slow trudging gameplay, and not really a game where you can stop and smell the roses, so much. Still, it bleeds with loving style, a possibly cool blueprint for more inspired things to come - and on it's own merit, not a bad diversion. It belongs on my shelf beside Godhand (which is far superior, if uglier). I'd consider picking up the sequel if it was about the same price, I suppose.

I received a couple JPN Saturn games in the mail recently, finally loaded them up this weekend as well. GunGriffon and Baku Baku Animal. Let's see.. GunGriffon came vaguely recommended from a web-board Saurn Reminiscience post, I am not sure if there was a domestic release but i saw the JPN version on ebay for like.. a cent, so what the hell. I loaded it up and it has that feeling "ohhh!! We can do 3D now, how cool are we!" It's short sighted and gnarly, and definitely dated and "me-too". Fun to tool around with for a few minutes, I may mess with it some more (doubtful!) Some games obviously do not age well.

Baku Baku Animal, on the other hand - this title DID recieve a domestic release, I believe, but again I found the JPN version on EBay for next to nuthin' and so I snapped it up. Those who know me, know I can have a fondness for good puzzle games, so after doing some Saturn research I had seen this name dropped a couple of times as a "must-have." I already have Magical Drop 3 (supposedly, another one of "the best..") so this seemed interesting to me - mind you, I could sit for a session of Puzzloop or Tetris Attack for hours.. Anyway this game was nearly worth it for the case art alone. My GOD. So ugly. It's like they gave an 11 year old a 3D program for the first time ("here make a cover for us!") It's ridiculously ugly... but somehow, disgustingly endearing. Almost. Anyway, as for the game itself - it's not bad! It made me laugh. Usual Tetris-inspired drivel, stuff drops and you've gotta match it up to clear lines before your screen fills up with blocks. The catch here is that the blocks are made up of two different things.. different types of food, or animal heads. Naturally, you must put the food next to the head of the animal which would eat that to clear lines. Monkey eats banana, dog eats bone, panda eats bamboo, that sort of thing. Yes it's goofy as hell, but it is kinda funny and one wonders how exactly someone was inspired to make this leap in concept. I will mess with it some more, it seems like there's some cool possibility for chain mechanic in there.

For the hell of it I threw in Radiant Silvergun for the first time since trying it out after I'd first got my JPN adaptor. Whew! That's a hell of a game, and I do mean.. HELL. It's a top-down shooter, much like the other bullet hell shooters, where you get tons of all manner of firepower with which to demolish your enemies. This game is unique in that you never need to power-up, you possess your weapons 100% of the time - but each weapon is fired by a different button on the game controller. And of course the game is designed around the player properly strategizing when to fire which weapon. So yeah, unlike many games of this sort, it's not "plow-ahead fun," but rather more of a thinkin' mans game in that vein. It's a little crude looking as well - but certainly deserving of it's place in history (though it's not gonna make any top-ten shooter lists for me, who knows maybe one day I will become "enlightened")

Anyway, so yeah, old games rock.

informer.

another late night at Obsidian. I am sitting here at my desk, listening to the janitor vacuum in the hallway, patiently waiting for my girlfriend to swing by and pick me up so i can go home and sleep (and return the next day). 9:43PM. I think it will be awhile 'till she gets here..

I finished up my latest level today. It took me no time to light, actually it was enjoyable to do that. I am getting pretty good with that (not great, but alright). Lighting was always something that I'd kind of did as an afterthought, and with good reason (the tech's not typically rewarded high-quality lighting in video games!) Not that it is quite there, yet, but it's improving. Anyway I consider myself fairly handy with the modeling and texturing end of things, I'd enjoy spending more time on making things light pretty as well. For this reason I intend to spend more of my own time building and lighting high-quality still imagery, go a few rounds with that and I should feel pretty competent. Mind you, I've spent more than my share of time figuring out how to make things look interesting, anyway..

I was keeping an eye on Zanac X Zanac on eBay but that thing went out today. $200+ !! Man. I want the game but.. not THAT bad. That's crappy when it's a game which is obviously only selling for it's rarity/collectibility. I just want to play the actual GAME. I might see if I can dig up an ISO somewhere. If my pocketbook was a little easier I wouldn't sweat the cash so much. Pretty hard to justify spending such money on a freakin' single game right now (ANY single game!) I was also watching Thunder Force Special Pack for Saturn. I am a HUGE Thunder Force fan, but again I don't wanna shell out upwards of $100 for a port of a game I already have (and beat dozens of times!) Whatever, watching eBay is fun.. just so long as you don't get too carried away spending money on crap you don't really need.

I stumbled across the webiite of this dude YOSHIKI OKAMOTO. He is one of the unsung old-timer heroes of videogames. He created Time Pilot at Konami, 1942 and the original Street FIghter while at Capcom.. among plenty of other things. He seems like a happy guy, one who's name most people won't recall (though I do remember seeing his "trademark" in many Capcom games, as a kid). He's since started his own company, Game Republic (not the magazine). I have no idea what they are up to or what they have released- he's got a pretty intensively detailed blog, i haven't really perused it too much yet but I want to dig in a bit w/ the Google Translator - this stuff kinda fascinates me (though as any blog-ready can tell you, that stuff can be sort of top-heavy at times).

Headache, just popped a couple Advil - it's been a long day and a long week. I look forward to getting home and being AFK for a couple of days.. rest my neurons.

complainy complainerstein

hey it's that time of the month when i fill my journal up with a bunch of whining and ranting. Oh just kidding! I actually do that like 4 times a week.

So my car is still in the shop, they are definitely gonna take their sweet time with it since it's paid for already (under warranty). Sniff. I miss having my car. I hate being dependant. I could catch a train home but that feels kind of needlessly expensive and also sort of pointless. Though if I did have my car on hand right now I would get the hell out of my office and drive home and eat something tasty and then go out for a night on the town.. that's the kind of frame of mind I'm in. I need to unload, to expend some pent-up energy. I am feeling kind of like a big blob that's pointless and boring right now. I need to remind myself what it is like to have some fun...

My friend emailed me today some pictures that his buddy sent him from a recent trip to Greece, the guy takes quite a bit of vacations actually. We both wondered "why don't we do stuff like that!" The answer is pretty clear, and not hard to figure out.. the thing is it is not too hard to figure out how exactly to get some extra money flowing around here. It's just a drag! I don't wanna work 24/7 for real. I am tired of burning myself out. I can still enjoy my job, only because I know I am not committing every waking moment to it for real (though it certainly feels like it, plenty of the time anyway). But yeah - I would love to know that there's coming a time in the not to distant future where I will be able to unwind a bit and do something unusual (but enjoyable). I have long been trumpeting that I need some change in my life, I suppose it's true. It comes with a cost, though... that is always true...

Hmm, yeah, I suppose I am kinda bored still. In fact it's getting a bit worse.. I need something to snap me out of this funk! Well, going for a long walk the other day helped (for starters) - I guess getting more exercise/exertion is a good way to help burn off my wound-up energy productively, at least.

I am in a decent mood 'cause I wrapped up my latest level at work, just now. It feels good to get another chunk finished.. though it gets difficult to be excited about that for other reasons which I don't wanna get into. Anyway if I can power through a few more at a respectable rate then I will be in decent shape. I am starting to feel the weight of "lots of stuff built over the years" and it's got this kind of .. disposable feeling to it all. When I am done making it, just toss it in the pile and move on. Eventually that pile gets big.. then you have collections of piles.. piles of piles, heh.. I am pretty used to detaching myself from my "product" when I am done with it, aside from scavenging/cannibalizing things when I can. But after a few years you kind of look back at all this dated (temporal) mishmash and think, well, what have I done? I have my resume, it's a bunch of names and dates.. and memories I guess, jumbled up.. I guess that's it for anyone... but nothing stands up, there's occasional highs and lows but I need the "standout thing" that I am proud of. I guess I am not the type of person who can plan that stuff, I kind of "go with the flow" when I am being creative. Make the best out of what I can, but try not to dwell on things, keep the rhythm going, keep building up on top of everything else. It's production, not art. You aren't rewarded for lingering, one must just advance and improve but you can't really hang out and appreciate things too much. I guess when you get to a certain (perceived) level of success, however that happens, than you start feeling like there's been a point to it all, aside from the little momentary bits of gratification. Maybe I will change my tune when it's been more gratifying overall in some other palpable way (or maybe I lack the ability to truly appreciate it like I should!) This is starting to feel like something I should be going over in my other blog, hmmm...

Last night I was waiting for a ride home and so I worked late (much like tonight), and the cleaning guy came and kicked me out for a few minutes so he could dust my office. I went into the TV area of our production team and plopped down on one of the big cozy leather couches. I was upset to be disturbed and thrown out of my space (but hey, the guy's gotta do his job too) and so I sat there in the other room and pondered. I looked around and leapt into another thought, thinking what a nice place it is that I work at, how I am fortunate to have sort of stumbled onto this studio. I remember interviewing here sort of on a whim (I needed a job!) without much knowledge of what would wait for me here, and so not much expectation either (other than.. "probably just another game company") and while that is true, in the 6 months since I have been here I can appreciate some of the relative strengths and weaknesses of a place - especially after having gained some perspective from the many different places I have been employed at. This place is no different of course, in that regard (like any job!) What struck me as I was sitting down, this place is just nice. The people, the bosses, they are really nice people to work for. Not perfect of course, no place is, and definitely not perfect for me, but it's a good antidote, for the time being, to some of the BS I have had to deal with previously. I still get pretty fumed over some shit that went down with my last job.. I get over stuff pretty easily (well.. in a way) but that is something I will probably hold onto for a while, and rightfully so. I was pretty set with the fact that "if this job ends, it will just be because it was my own fault, not because of someone above me making a stupid mistake.." Well of course I did things to hurt myself over there, I definitely didn't deserve what happened, and blowing an opportunity that good is something that's still got my engines revved a little. But I have been humbled before, and now I have been humbled again. It's funny, it's been exactly a year now, and it's not something I think about very often at all (which is a good thing) - but also something I never want to forget, something I want to hold kind of close to myself as a constant reminder, so I don't wind up on my ass in the future so easily. Don't have expectations. Don't let your guard down... Nobody owes you anything, no matter what you've done, in the long run. Maybe I am sort of pessimistic and cynical after a few years, and it's colored my mood to a degree, but the flipside is that good things can happen in spite of bad things. So more than the two things I have stated, don't let shoddy judgement get in the way of jumping on a good opportunity!

Anyway.. enough rantin' for one night. Nobody's perfect.

phew

whew. interesting day. maybe today was one of the happiest days of the past nine months for me. no sure why. i didn't have ANYTHING to do all day long.. that is.. well, i hadda take my car into the shop (again). the transmission got replaced about 6 weeks ago and a couple of days ago it just pooped out again (i can't get it to rev past @40MPH). yeah so i am a little pissed about it, obviously. anyway i got up early and brought it to the transmission guys downtown, smashing the crap out of my driver's side window in the process ('cause i was impatient and irritable - hopefully that won't cost to much to replace! sigh). I dropped it off and caught a cab home, took the day off from work ('cause - how would i get there?) I checked online to see what was up with the train systems, apparently there was no way i could get in before noon unless i caught the metrolink downtown @8am (wouldn't be able to get to the transmission place in time though), same with bussing it straight down there. Tonight I did a little more research (for tomorrow, of course) and found that there's an Amtrak terminal downtown as well, if i catch the 9:40am then I can make it to Santa Ana, 5 miles from my office, at about 10:30am. Apparently the Amtrack runs a lot more frequently than the other train...! Wish I had known that today, and I wouldn't've burned a sick day. Anyway - guess the plan tomorrow is to get up @8, catch a cab to the subway (@ $5), get a lift on the subway to downtown (@ $2.50?), then transfer to Amtrak ($12) and then cab to work from there (probably @ another $6). It's funny, I probably spend about $15 on gas each day commuting to and from work, this isn't much more expensive - more of a hassle though, I guess. My girlfriend just moved into her apartment right near my office so I can crash there for a couple nights, supposedly, while my car gets repaired. The transmission si still under warranty, so hopefully this won't cost me AGAIN..... wish I didn't smash the mirror though. Damn it.

Uh yeah so today was nice. nothing to do, at all. It reminded me of the feeling of the last time I had "nothing to do, in my apartment" @ 6 months ago (doesn't feel so long ago, but then.. it does) the last time I was unemployed. Man, that crappy, crappy feeling. Do not want to jinx myself, of course, but hopefully that will be the last I have felt of that for awhile. At this point,I have been in and out of so may jobs without certainty about "where the hell I will end up next" and it's been numerous and recent enough that I will never completely let my guard down about when it'll happen again. not that I am always waiting for the floor to collapse out from under me, but I have yet to hit that honest-to-goodness "stable situation" where it's just not a concern, for real. Ha...

damn, you know what, i am hungry. it just struck me "i live near a supermarket, which is probably still open." I don't wana spend $15 to order a pizza so i think i will shell out a scant couple of bucks and buy a snack... 'cause.. HUNGRY. I know it is scintillating reading this, but..

NICE!! That was RAD. i just got up on a whim at 11pm in the evening and walked ot the Mayfair marekt and bought some CHEESE.

And some CRACKERS.

Ad it did't even cost me $9. And the crackers say they are fifty-percent of the fat of the normal ritz crackers, and though a bout half a buck more expensive, they are now "better tasting" than the previous iteration fo the low-fat crackers. let's see how they fare.
..
eh, good enough. Man. I realize as I type this, someday I will look back at it and marvel about how much I have lost my mind, to be transcribing a play-by-play of my intense adventures of buying cheese in the middle of the night. Don't think this is lost to me - I know that I have passed over some threshold of normalcy quite some time ago. yeah, well, what of it. This is my life, this is what I have become. I reflect on it rather often - Hollywood fucks with you, it really does. Depending on who you are, what you do for a living, where you've been and all of that.. living in a crazy mixed-up place like this will certainly scramble one's circuity but good, no matter the case. Unless of course you are an empty and boring individual, I suppose. I have proclaimed it before and I will repeat it again ad again, this place is a bunch of madness, any large urban environment like this in this day and age (or any, but certainly now in particular) is no exception.. It's okay. I don't lie to myself and pretend that it's not affected me somehow, after all of this.

My legs ache, owch. I am a big fan of walking, though I definitelydon't do it as often as I'd like. Unfortunately, the best workous occur when I am out of my mind, stumbling home from some bar or other (okay not really a stumbler, I am actually quit surefooted when i am toasted.. usually.. and fortunately). I decided to take a jaunt over to Griffith Park up the street yesterday, and when I got there, just kept on movin'. I saw the recently-reopened Observatory looming on the horizion, beckoning me.. "it sure is far! But not THAT far.." I made it that long, might as well see if I can make it the whole way. Damn! I have been walking for a half hour and I seem to be making some huge concentric circle around the damned thing, it's not got any closer at all!! Still I followed the winding path, eased on by the peace and quiet and serenity of the trip. Damn, damn i am getting tired a little, this walk back is gonna suuuUUuuckkk.. but how lame is it to say "yeah i walked CLOSE to the Observatory, but I pussed out after about 45 more minutes." how much longer could it be? Long story short (you wish!), I made it there, walked around the deck, then returned home, took me a couple of hours.. maybe about 5 miles or so for the whole trip, perhaps? It felt great, but yeah today it's a little painful to walk (not bad). And then I burned the roof of my mouth on hot french fries and chili. Don't tell my Diet. On that note, back to my cheese...

Yeah so tomorrow will be interesting. 11:30, I guess I'd better not stay up TOO too late, I have al maner of vehicles ot catch tomorrow morning. Kind of an experiment, but I am sorta F'd if I miss my train (the next one's not for about an hour and a half). i figure if I call the cab @8am and get on the subway by 8:30 I am all good to leave Union Station at 9:40. A little neurotic but I don't wanna blow it. It's kinda cool, in a way.. I like driving, obviously, but it's nice to change up the routine. I am a stranger to the subway out there, I've ridden it briefly a couple of times (it's mostly useless!) but when it has had a purpose it was cool, the few times.. heh heh. Mostly I am reminded of the days back in Boston, ten (ulp!) years ago, when a young Ron Alpert of barely 22 years old was working at his first Industry Job in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Carless and nearly broke anyway, I would catch the train from the suburbs all the way into the city. Then I moved to a very modest apartment in the town of Waltham on the outskirts on the city (not terribly close, but relatively much closer than living with my folks!) I would get up on the freezing mornings, walk 20 min to the bus stop, catch a 1hr bus trip into Central Square, ride the train from there to kendall Square, then walk another 15 minutes in the windy, blistering cold to my office building in cambridge. Then i got a car and drove to a closer bus station on the outskirts of cambridge, eventually moving to the city and having a much easier commute and just parking outside the damned building.

Anyway, yeah. Good times.

straaaaange days not like before....

Man, you sleep on the news for one fing day and the world changes again, such is the beauty of the videogame industry. So the latest buzz is that the boom is off the rose (or whatever the saying is) between the love affair of M$ and Bungie. It's fun to watch the forum freak out between (lies lies lies) and rationalizing how it could be, well, true true true. Anyway the way things go these days, I would have to say this sounds weird enough to possibly have some truth to it. I guess we'll know more in coming days - it's made the rounds to IGN news. I see no mention yet on gama. So, we will see, folks.

I haven't been a good faux-journalist (when have I EVER?) and done my homework about the ins and outs of what, why and how. Honestly i don't need to, if there's any veracity to this story it will be spelled out in short order (hell even just the possibility is enough to get several notable people to put their two cents in on the hows and ways). As usual I sit back and watch, and note how it is funny how everyone is quick to spell out "it's gloom and doom for MS!" just as "it's gloom and doom for SONY" (the other day) and everyone else says "yeah but don't forget, it's still gloom and doom for Ninty." So uh, basically - nothing much has changed, really. Nothing of heavy note to mention. Except what I think because I'm always right.. right?

Had the day off today. It was a bad car day to the point where I couldn't get my ass forty miles down the road to my office, so I stayed in and hung out and did.. no work. And it was NICE! I think today = first time I have relaxed, a bit, in like 6 months. There's something to that. And that was on top of being stressed about the car problems. And cracking the crud out of my side view mirror this morning on the way to the mechanic. Go figure. Anyway I walked to Tommyburger to celebrate. I may continue the tradition with a pizza. Screw you, health!

Tonight I want to flash my GBA cartridge. I finally started compiling a list of crap to put into it, its taken me long enough. The games are generally flowing thru my head, but there's so may odds and ends that it's tough to remember over the course of several months which ones I want to actually commit to leaving on there for the yeat or two it takes me to do something as simple as re-flash. And of course just when I decide to get a move on with the thing, I realize maybe I wanna start with Advance Wars 2 which has been sitting there already on the damned card, untouched, all this while. Oh well, what're you gonna do. I don't recall anyone ever trying ot say that this life was EASY.

For a time I was entertaining the possibility of investing in a GP2x. It's still in myhead, slightly.. it looks nice enough, minus a few warts. Biggest problem I've got is the same reason I've not bought a DS yet either, I just.. don't NEED more stuff! I have a GP32 which I seldom touch these days and a Gameboy Micro which I refer to wayyy too much on these boards as it is, never mind the little collection of consoles I have goin' here at home to begin with. If GP2x was a similar enogh deal to micro I would have snapped it up already - they were hinting at something along those lines but it seems never to have seen the light of day. Fair enough.. I have so much to say about these korean handhelds but that's a whole 'nother post, suffice it to say i've been a big fan and certainly got my money's worth. Thank you Gamepark.

shabba-ganoush

the days of my life are withered away into the internet-i-sphere. seriously.

sunday afternoon, looking thru the closet, wasting (passing) some time trying to clean up and organize some crap while i wait to snipe the ebay auction i have been eyeballing for the past few days (i'll save you the suspense - i lost, about 3 min ago). but yeah, whatever.

looking through the boxes in my closet (for some AV cords), i came across my ol' sketchbook from college. ah yes. my beloved sketchbook. i used to refer to it as "my girlfriend," as it was my most cherised thing in all the world at the time, i would carry it everywhere with me, all the time. Every free moment i would commit thoughts and scribbles and drawings and .. well, sketches in there. late at night, drunk late after a party, after lunch, on the concourse in between classes, etc etc. Brought it all over te place, even to NYC on the few times we'd venture out over thataway (oh yeah, forgot how fun that was..! damn!!)

i kept a pretty full journal in there, back in the day (hard to imagine, i know). Also I started filling up it's pages midway through with a pretty intensely-detailed "comic story," or "graphic sequence" if you'd prefer (not the pornographic type, hah heh.. not from this dweeb!) But yeah I did go out to a good lot of parties back in the college days, and thus inspired I made a comic about college-age (and just post-college-age) young adults living in a somewhat urban setting who hang out and live in ratty apartments and date disphits and smoke blunts drink budweiser and pass out at parties. I suppose it sounds very pedestrian, but at the time it was so captivating to create and this all came out in the story's style. i was getting into "the alternative press", underground-comic-wise, in those days.. bob fingerman, terry laban, evan dorkin, all those fellas. pretty much the same stuff i was making myself, on a vastly inferior scale (mine inferior, that is!) but it was personal and very relevant to me, even though the thing was only like pages or so and not much in the way of, ahem, deep character or story development. definitely influenced by guys like sam kieth, i'd take al these fractured styles of laying things out, bizarre but interesting (and legible "enough") composition, and the dialogue wasn't what you'd call "hot" but it was passable for what it was (pretty much, based on shit you'd hear all the time, anyway)

Not forgotten about by any means, but certainly relegated to the distant attic of my brain. I mean.. i have had DOZENS of sketchbooks, literally, over the years - and more than my fair share of comic-type things I'd made since I was a kid, but this was certainly by far the cream of them. Again, not to say it was much special (and looking back at it now, the anatomy and stuff like that is still all over the place, to say the least) but I look at this as one of the last cool "things" I have made on my own - I say this, considering in the 10+ years since I last lay a finger on the things, I have spend countless hours worth of my career creating "professional art." Yeah and that's all well and good, and lord knows I love CG and all of that.. but I do miss drawing.

I have a scanner, I'll get the thing pasted in here sometime soon, just for the sake of posterity. Even though scanned, it will look horrible and not worthwhile of anything, even to me - it's one of those things where you have to hold the original inked drawn pages in your hand to appreciate the love and care I'd put into it, and even then, you have to be me to really look at it and not think it's just some bullshit. Anyway it makes me want to do some more.. or at least go back to being the type of person who cares about such things.

--super mario bros 2 tune--

how the hell would they get such addictive music out of crappy 8bit sound chip?

so last night i had a game dev dream. this actually doesn't happen very much (well, unless it's welding vertices, or being fired). I was playing God of War mixed with Tony Hawk and Mototrax. I am not sure if they were always the same game.. anyway it wet from alternately awesome to completely unfinished and terrible. I'd be vrooming around in a sloppy dirtbike or jeep and there would be lowpoly cabins without backsides ad flipped normals. everything was blurry, unlit,
and crappy looking.. lots of bright reds and yellows. then another level would load up and just be fun. Then my dream ceased to be about videogames, and I was just able to get up a good deal of speed running on my own two feet and take enormous, superhero-sized leaps into the sky. I would jump around inside Hangers and slap the ceiling every time, amazed that I would plummet back to earth everytime and NEVER hurt my feet. It was weird. Felt very cool though.

So I am thinking about PS3 Home lately. I read a little update on the thing in a recent EGM rag and it got my brain turning on it some more. It was due this fall (which is NOW) and got postponed till sometime in 08, Spring I guess? Anyway.. man. Dullsville. Since I had first lain eyes on the thing, it's not impressed me. I can appreciate what they are doing, and competing with things like Second Life, WOW, and the Mii's all rolled into one.. never mind Xbox Live. But this looks kind of pathetic by comparison. I can completely understand what thy are going for here and why they are doing this, in this fashion, but it's just pointed totally down the wrong path. Take it from a guy who's not actually really laid eyes on Xbox Live himself (and so not qualified to speak on the matter, but "I get the gist...") If it ain't broke, don't fix it! Sometimes a direct interface without an avatar is honestly a better way to approach things. in the matter of setting up live games online, an all of that, it does' "need" this kind of virtual representation. Much less for playing online minigames and crap like that. I mean, so long as they support a more traditional "browser formula" as well and make this stuff optional, then it can't hurt, I suppose. Honestly, there are things they could do to make a prospect like home very cool, but they don't seem like they have their S together enough to do this (well, at least the politics-that-be would prevent it from getting there). You can sort of tell what kind of people are in charge of this project just by looking at the media presented thus far. They want it to be al classy, IKEA, Metrosexual.. Sims. Man. Boring. I guess I am the same kind of guy who would poo-poo the idea of Sims in the first place (though at the time when it was fresh, i appreciated it's relative "originality"). Seriously the biggest problem with Home is this: what is the point, what do you DO? It's not a game, it's just... hanging out. Eh, I guess the no-lifer's will dig on it. If they get some kind of ingame achievements going, goals and tasks ad crap, then it could work. Make it a little wackier and Animal Crossing-y instead of Glorious Ugly Realism Boringness, it might get something. Half-assed pool and bowling don't seem too exiting. get some Poker and Mahjong and stuff in there. Hell, make a Magic the Gathering ripoff... things like Uno wet over well, get a whole card-playing community going, make it free, and make it a little atmospheric (dark and dank and sketchy, "underground feeling." Make old-fashioned 80s arcades with relevant emulated games instead of "insta copter" or whatever. Make people feel like they have to earn this stuff, discover it, instead of laying it all out there.

Whatever. I have tons of ideas, I am sure many do. Ultimately it wall be another gaffe that they throw tons of money at to result in another overbudget half-assed project that makes them look kind of clueless and lame. It will possibly get refined into something cooler in some time. Hey if they could make 8bit skins for everything, that would be sweet. Tron skins.. even WOW sins for those who like that sort of thing. Overall I just prefer my real life as my REAL life and hanging out online to be something that remains a novelty, not the point of my life. Ohhh I should watch my tone. Anyway like everyone else, I watch this with interest to see what shape it takes. Gross or not, it's still pretty important and weighty.

the computer science of dungarees

yeah, so once again I start my blog with 'another month has whipped by,' and i continue on my narrowing path towards 33 years of age. it's alright - 33 doesn't sound THAT bad. not much worse than 32, or 31. still better than "i'm in my mid-thirties.." Well, i know, it is getting there..

things are alright. the week kind of melted away. it was busy, but mor elike busywork-busy, not "stress the hell out" busy. i haven't felt "stress the hell out" busy from my job for awhile, but the neurotic in me isn't enough to let that completely go, just yet. As usual, "takes time." I have been bitching about work a little lately, though I must say the longer i am here, the easier it makes life feel, in some ways. Hmm... I guess that is good.

Though I will mention I have had to surpress my urge to pick up and leave town a little recently. I still maintain what I said earlier "I am BORED!" and I need something to stimulate me, and for the life of me I can't think of what it could be. Well, drama could do that, but I am not really in the mood for dealing with consequences right now. I want it to just be "easy!" I know my fallback is always "hell, I live in Hollywood, just go out and party." Sigh, I do miss that.. I seldom do it anymore, and it's such an easy recharge for my soul.. but it's always so detrimental to my life, the more of it I get caught up in. If only it wasn't so damned enjoyable! I am lucky I am not a true addict, when I know something is bad for me I manage to detach myself from it. Well..sometimes. Enough of the time.

It's a period now where I don't wanna write in here anymore. I don't feel like "expressing myself--" I just want to go into some kind of hibernation or something. I look at my bills and I look at my balance and I just want them to meet somewhere halfway somehow, and until that happens I wish I could literally freeze up my life somehow. I guess I have sort of been doing that, anyway.. but there's no way to do it while putting my brain on ice as well. When I talk about it I realize I could opt for a les expensive lifestyle (you know, live someplace less extravagant, get a roomate) but after all these years, it's evidently very difficult to just let go of my apartment! So I suck in my hot air and keep my upper lip stiff.. or whatever imagery fits this case.. just wait it out and keep movin' on.

I guess it's a good time to start evaluating how better to spend my free time. I am realizing that I am quite good at wasting it, but I could actually probably spend it doing things that could ultimately make me happier. I don't know who to blame for this (heh, myself) but I guess it's the first step towards lightening up a bit. My knack is always that "it's all in your head," or mostly a conscious thing, but I do believe a lot of how we feel is based on what goes on subconciously (of course,) not to mention biologically.

The other day I was paying some bills and I looked at the phone bill. Hmph! $65 for one month. That seems a little excessive to me. I mean, I like having a landline at home, and I have an internet connection of course. But would my life be ruined if I gave them up? Immediately I think "well damn, the bill is usually about an even $50 a month, and that's definitely worth what I get out of it.." But what do I get out of it? I have a phone at work and the net to boot. I spend a lot of time online at home, but if it was not there I am sure I could find other, more productive ways to occupy myself. I don't mind sticking around late at the office to do emails and look at wikipedia and stuff like that. I mean - I spent so much of my entire life without any internet connection, it's not like i NEED it. It's just a convenience, one that gets abused. Hell in my first apartment after college, I didn't have a PC or net hookup. In college my roomies had that stuff but I NEVER used their stuff.. what was the point?

Well I will say this, I don't do much freelance work but it sure helps to have the online when I DO. In fact my job, in general, is made much easier (at times.. not ALL the time) by having a connection at home. Honestly if I lived very close to work this would be a non-issue for sure! I don't think I am gonna get rid of it for real, but I would like to unplug myself more (I say, as I type in my blog). The internet is definitely a bad thing for a guy like me. And as for my land line phone, well, i don't talk on it THAT much. I could likely make all my phone calls from work (and i do have a cellphone, which gets much more use as an SMS device it seems)

As I type this I begin to wonder what other things I could "give up." This is a common fantasy for many, but of course it always stays "fantastic..." few people ever really seem to go too far with it. Driving is a big one. I drive a LOT. Come to think of it I drive more than most folks I know. If I could walk to work, I'd still probably drive, sad to say! On the positive I won't drive if I am drinking, as anyone who knows me will attest, and though I am always cabbin' to go out i will ALWAYS walk home, even if it's a few miles. But if I am sittin' around and I want to grab a bite, I will definitely drive, even if it's up the street. I guess I am one of those who thrives on the Instant Satisfaction of our society. Want this? Spend five or ten minutes to get it then bring it back! It's a little ridiculous, but life is a little excessively convenient. Last Saturday we spontaneously decided to walk to Hollywood (I repeat myself, I know) and got a nice dinner. It was fun and felt good! I should do that every weekend.

What else to lose.. hmm, hmm.. Well I always say I would give up my television in a moment if I could have a nice fireplace in my living room (not one of those shitty gas-powered faux-fireplaces, mind you). I stand by that, yet I maintain it's easy enough to say since I know there's no way I can set that up in my current home. But yeah if one day I can actually afford to buy a freakin' house, I am going to sure as shooting set up with a nice honest-to-goodness fireplace and chimney.. so help me! Ahh, we'll see. Anyway I watch almost no TV. If I was single I'd likely never ever watch TV (ever!) I have ranted about TV more than enough in this blog so I don't wanna get carried away once again.. but yeah. It's useless to me. Sure there's entertaining and interesting things on TV. But I have seen enough. I have had my fill. For my LIFE. Though I do like when they have them at the gym, helps you zone out (yeah CNN!) I might mention here that YES I have basic cable, but only because they never turned it off after the last guy moved out. If it turned off tomorrow there's no way I'd pay to get it back..

Could I get rid of music? I dunno. For years I have been a rabid music freak, like any from my generation it has provided the soundtrack to my life, especially adding punctuation to the peak moments. But you know, like other people who get old, I have lost touch with the trends, and popular music turns me off. It doesn't SUCK, in fact there's always some which is quite listenable - but my endless passion for it has certainly numbed. If i get a CD now, it may sit in my closet for a long time - a week, a year, not joking - before I spin it once (err, encode it and put onto iPod and listen to it). This goes for bands I LIKE! I guess it's kind of like TV, I am just burned out on enough of the me-too stuff. And though there's always plenty of quality stuff around to get into, I am sort of detached enough that it doesn't really captivate me anymore.

One thing I would not like to reject so readily is talk radio. I know that sounds a little weird.. but unlike music, which is sort of the same thing over and over (just in different flavors), at least with talk radio you can hear people talking about actual things. Sometimes it becomes inane, or just lame, but there's always something to listen to, something interesting. I like to listen to stuff when I work, it helps to while away the day and occupy my mind while I pour through my repetitive tasks, heh heh. "Talk Radio" is a term I will use to refer to not just real actual radio programs, but podcasts as well, of course.

Could I give up videogames? Read my current entry on my other blog for that! Short answer, yes, I already have.. though I would really like to hold onto my gameboy micro for good reason. But the fact that I've not updated the games on it's flashcart in over a year and a half is probably a telling sign, of at least a couple of things..

Clothes? Who cares (though I don't wanna be gross or naked.. well I could kinda dig being naked if I wasn't fat and wouldn't be arrested). Friends!! Well, I love my friends, but I do a good enough job of alienating them (not on purpose, it's just life) that they probably wouldn't notice too much if i went missing, haha...

Food? Uhm. This one is tough. I love food. Well I don't LOVE it but it's something that kinda makes my day, a decent meal. If I eat plain food for too long I will start feeling really bummed out on life. I don't need "expensive fancy food" either, I am a simple man with a simple palate, but I have my joys. Yeah, when I die I will miss the good eats of this world. I need to eat better, which means eat more boring food.. bah.

Soda I could give up.I drink a LOT of soda. It tastes good, dammit! It is making me fat though. I actually don't mind just drinking water, which is honestly the most refreshing thing I can imagine - but when you get into the rhythm of drinking soda in your life, especially with certain food, then they kind of "go together." It becomes difficult to enjoy a burrito without a Coke you know what I am saying? But if I go without soda for awhile, the drive leaves me. And when I dip back in after awhile, it tastes kinda gross and it is not too hard to stay away. The thing is, soda's got the caffeine I need to snap out of it during those drowsy periods. Anyway I haven't had any soda in about a week. Let's see if I can stretch this for some months.

Beer, booze... sigh. I'd LOVE to give these up. I really do enjoy drinking. It's such a satisfying, easy thing - it works EVERYTIME! It's like the perfect drug for a guy like me. Drinking can juice me up with instant, happy energy, no matter what the preceding day has been like. Also in other company can help me chill the hell OUT. It's a nice medication. I also seem to have an affinity for the taste of beer, what can I say.. and I like vodka. And starting to dig whiskey. Yah that's all rough, but I enjoy it, it's part of me. Still, I never --yearn-- for a drink. I enjoy it, but i don't have hunger pangs for booze. Fortunately I don't enjoy it so much that I can't exist without it, or even close to that bad.. I can see how that would be a truly complicated situation. Could i give up booze? You bet. I have (for YEARS!) Do I want to? Nah. Not really.

Okay. Obviously I could type this list all night. But I gotta go home and get something to eat. 'Night all.

typical..

Well, let's see how well I can do typing in this thing will my girlfriend is watching sex and the city on the other side of the room..

another day in the trenches, the past couple of weeks have been all about "repair the bugs, fix the errors..." y'know how it goes. It's not the most glamorous part of the job, surely, but hey, someone's gotta do the dirty work. Today was skybox repair... I'll say this much, you work in a business with certain tools for an amount of time, and you get used to doing things a certain way. You pick up after and some years settle down with a different toolset, then you have to re-apply all the techniques that worked in one way and turn them on their ear "let's see.. how do they handle it in here?" It's not bad, and it's satisfying to figure out how to do the, erm, translation - but yeah, at the 11th hour it's nice to have the fallback of "I know how to do this simple basic thing" and have it work like you usually expect. Well, when that doesn't quite happen, it's at least satisfying to discover a new way of doing things..

I was listening to the latest Games for Windows podcast today (well okay it was day old, but they released two this week, apparently) and it got me thinking. They were going off about how excited they were to be wrapped up with the new Team Fortress 2 (and associated titles), and remarking about how it really is such a great time in history to be a gamer, right now. So many big titles are being released during this period, in the wake of a pretty solid couple of years of steady releases (I think I was mentioning lately about the relative quality of "the big franchises"). It's true! Look at any release list between now and the coming holiday season and thing is just packed. Metroid just released recently, we got Halo 3, a new Madden just came out, Skate is reviewing well, the anticipated PS3 titles are on the horizon (Uncharted, Ratchet and Clank), I believe Ninja Gaiden just released on PS3 (yeah another rehash, but it's got it's fans) - Mario Galaxy and Smash Bros. are due shortly for Wii (as is wii fit.. hahahaha). Zelda Phantom Hourglass.. Bioshock, of course.. You already forgot but a new Pokemon swept the world a few months back, as did a Final Fantasy. Okay there were like 10 other big titles on my mind but I am having trouble dredging them up at the minute, but you get the point. Barely a year ago a new Zelda was released, and after the new year (spring?) it's expected we'll see the new installments in the GTA and Metal gear series. So, yeah, there's a lot going on, no surprise there. "It's a good time to be a gamer.." indeed.

But you know what? Listening to the enthusiasm of the crew of that podcast, it made me sort of sad. I used to be a huge fan of games... when I was a kid, that's what my life revolved around! I couldn't get my hands on enough gaming literature, never mind the actual games themselves! But things are different now. I am on the other end of things, and due to that, I see how it's all put together, bit by bit, byte by byte. I have seen countless games in various states of development, to the level now that when I look at any game, it is often the case that I see it as the sum of it's parts. The interface, the animation system, the recycled textures.. the tacked-on tutorials. The knocked-off features. The half-assed added on "bonus materials.." The road to hell is paved with the best of intentions, eh? Alright, I sound a little jaded, I have just seen a little too many projects for my years (yeah 'cause I am so OLD!) but more than that, I guess as games got more advanced, and numerous ---- it's been easier for them to fall into their cliche's. Which is fine, as I've noted above they are usually satisfying affairs for their audiences. I can't honestly look back at the games of years ago and say "oh yeah the games where you flew from the left side of the screen to the right side, and pressed a fire button? THOSE were so distinctive from one another!" It's true, there's leagues more depth now (though I will still argue, "not necessarily better..") But anyway, that's how it is - I am not easily swayed by games anymore. I used to race to the store to get my hands on the latest Sega Genesis title, I would stalk the SNES release lists.. I would nag the crap outta my folks for the newest SMB or Castlevania or ghouls n Ghosts or Thunder Force for whatever holiday was coming up. I NEEDED that stuff! But I guess I have played "enough" games, I have jumped through "enough hoops." Recently I have picked up some of the titles that I never got around to playing during my childhood, out of curiousity.. yeah, some were fun, but my burning desire to wrap my hands around that controller is long gone, man. I won't lie, there's still games I have my eye on and stuff I want to pick up, but that "life or death" feeling has long since passed. If i had to give up my inventory tomorrow, I don't think I'd shed a tear (but to be honest, I think I would miss my gameboy Micro, a liiiiiiitle)

So then.. is that it? I am dedicated to my profession, my career.. and working in games still excites me, makes me happy. But are my days as a modern gaming consumer gone for good, for the most part? Yeah, possibly.. probably. Who knows, things could swing around and go in a different direction, but I think they've already started to in some ways (casual gaming, Nintendo DS, the surge in retro-gaming interest in the mainstream) and though it's all novel and interesting to me, I seem to notice I am still not spending any money on this kind of entertainment (and no, not pirating, either!) Nah, I think it's me.. my passion for that stuff has given way to my passion for the business end of it, the bigger picture.. the actual production end of things. Keeping tabs on the scene, the industry, the politics of it. I am not a suit or a BS'r, as those things go, but the real world weirdness of it all, the nuts-and-bolts seem so much more enthralling to me, so much more enticing.

Anyway, I guess we'll see. In the meantime I have the spirit of the previous age to keep me going, and plenty of backlog to enjoy in the meantime.. in my way. If Blaster Master 2 was properly produced, I'd be singing a COMPLETELY different tune, I am sure of it.

finnish? the fyte?

yerrrrah so i am reburning my lights. AGAIN. alright well unreal engine is, well.. it's a weird thing alright. it's about 6 months in and i am pretty accustomed to working with this engine these days (though there's still mountains of information that I have yet to learn about it).. i can honestly say that, although it's very powerful, it's definitely not without it's share of "eccentricities." Yeah, any engine would have the same gripes, so i won't go off too much (but oh! how I LOVE to!) I mean, the ones I have worked with in the past had some pretty annoying issues - but over time, after dealing with something for a couple of years, you get used to it's idiosyncracies. And of course we can all understand how things like "legacy code" sort of get built up and over, however inefficiently.. and "feature creep" and whatever other buzzwords you'd like. But MAN. When you move to a new neighborhood, you're always gonna see some things that just sort of make your jaw drop and go "why. WHY. WHY does it have to work like this.. it's so stupid!" And so it goes, yeah....

So Halo 3 eve or whatever you wanna call it. A million nerds rejoice. IGN gave it a pretty spiffy review. I am glad to see that something like Bioshock can still edge it out a little (yeah, a LITTLE).. so say what you want about the games industry of today, and the "generification" of product, but it's nice to see something like this released with a bunch of hype and STILL deliver on what is expected. Yeah, perhaps there's a bunch of shoulder-rubbing going on between reviewers and moneybags, but when they go on about how certain features and things are handled well in a game, you kinda know what you are dealing with. I am just saying, it's nice to see that they are not gonna let their product descend into disarrary quite yet. That's gonna come after about 6 more iterations...

Honestly, I have worked for some sequel-happy companies, say what you will of them - and I have seen them take "the easy way out" more times than I'd've like (good reasons notwithstanding), so I can feel proud of a large company that is willing to put reputation and customer satisfaction above (ever-so-slightly) ripping the willing customer off at every chance they can get. I mean let's face it, guys like Bungie, Epic - they could release tons of DLC for their titles and charge a little here, a little there. They could do annual updates with new maps and slightly upgraded feature sets. They could dilute their brands, pretty significantly, and get away with it. They could, but they don't, and from this side I do sort of wonder why. I guess overall, games are still not quite like movies - not yet! You still see a lot of good intentions rounded out with honest-to-goodness followups. Yeah games are always gonna be buggy, late, etc. etc. But they are going to provide a meaty package and fulfill expectations, maybe not "more times than not," but certainly ENOUGH times for me to even be typing this paragraph. There's never been an honestly "BAD" Metal Gear. There's never been a "horrible" Zelda, Super Mario, Final Fantasy, Pokemon, GTA, etc. Okay, once in awhile you'll get subpar spin-offs that are taking away the integrity of the license, but even then it's not often that terrible (I am talking game-to-game license, not like... movie-to-game, of course). It honestly seems that everyone is concerned with getting that golden "special IP" and then mining it for all it's worth, but.. carefully. Again, not always the case... and companies like Activision, Ubi and EA are certainly guilty of crimes in this area.. but even for those guys, when they do take advantage of a brand, they'll (usually) at least turn out decent product (level 7 or thereabouts), which is more than satisfactory for the casual audience - the casual audience being their most important one.

I am not sure what the future holds in this regard, and it's true "everything is coming to a head.." it's all gonna go haywire in a few years, business wise. I always whine that "the Golden Days are Over" but truth be told, it's a NEW Golden Age, if anything. Yeah the bloom is off the rose but the forest is just starting to sprout. Hard to imagine but someday, 5 or 10 or 15 years from now, I will look back at these (relatively easy) days and just miss this stuff. Sigh, I wanna go home and play Advance Wars 2 (finally).